I recently started working on a bible study called Stuck. The study is by Jennie Allen and is the first of her studies that I have done.
I went into the study not really knowing what to expect, but so far three weeks into it I can tell you that it is rocking my world.
Which can be a good and bad thing when it comes to God rocking your world. I mean of course it's always good but sometimes when going through growing moments you can also experience moments of going through valleys, hurdles and just plain feeling growing pains.
This past week the study was covering anger. When I turned to my page in the study and saw that it was covering anger I sort of laughed to myself. Anger? Me? No. I do not have anger problems. I will just quickly get through this week and get to something that more appropriately applies to myself.
Are you laughing with me?
While reading the verses for this week, questions and stories I was knocked off my feet. I was face to face with bitterness I was holding, anger towards past friendships and feelings of resentment towards others.
There was a whole lot of anger going in on this body that needed to be dealt with. And I never even knew it! I began working through it and studying scripture on anger and how to handle it in my life.
Well tonight I had to call a certain mobile phone company to ask about some weird charges we had on our phone bill. Our bill was significantly higher than usual and it just didn't make sense, so being the dutiful homemaker that I am I called to investigae.
Actually Luke had to ask me multiple times before I finally did it. I also have procrastination issues.
I was on the phone with an agent from this particular phone company when I started to lose my patientce. I wasn't understand what he was trying to say and he wasn't explaining it well and I STILL didn't understand why we were being charged so much more than usual.
I might have gotten angry a couple of times (key word) and even told him his company was stupid. Which let's admit, he later laughed about with his friends when they described INSANE and CRAZY customers.
Because that was me.
I got off the phone and immediately felt conviction wash over me. Not a guilt like I was a bad person or undeserving of grace, but conviction like I KNEW better. Just this week, repeatedly I studied James 1:19 "....be slow to anger'. There was nothing about me that was "slow to anger" while on the phone.
I hated the feeling I had. Knowing that everything I do I have the oportunity to be a light and instead I chose to be rude to someone who was just doing his job, and who probably thinks I'm CRAZY (because I sort of was).
So I did something that wasn't easy, I got my phone back out and called the company back. I remembered the agents name and I was hoping that I could speak to him directly so I could apolgize.
Would he think I was even crazier? Probably, but I felt like it was what I needed to do.
I reached another (much more chipper if I might add) agent who told me he couldn't transfer me to a particular agent but he would be happy to help me.
I tried to explain to him that I wanted to speak to the same person I just spoke to but I ended up sounding like a psycho ex stalker girlfriend. And after that he for sure wouldn't connect me to my past agent.
I finally in a round about way explained to this (VERY happy agent) why I was calling.
He was already an energetic person so he might have exclaimed something like "OH EM GEE" you are the sweetest little thing ever" which I'm pretty sure is completely opposite of what the prior agent was currently saying about me.
Obviously I never got to talk to the person I was rude to, but the very happy 2nd agent said he would mark it on my account that I called back to apologize. GOOD. So now EVERYONE I speak to in the future will know I was rude at some point. Sounds about right.
I don't say this story by any means to "toot my own horn" in fact it's embarssing to admit that I'm one of those crazies that got angry with a poor innocent person on the phone, but I say it to show that if you ask God to grow you HE WILL.
And while it may not seem fun in the moment, it is all for your benefit. He longs for us to be more like Him. I know it sounds crazy because it was definitely a humbling moment, but I was thankful for this moment because it once again reminded me that God listens to me. He knows who I am and what I'm doing.
I've been praying through anger, reminding myself to be slow to anger, and God gave me an opporunity to show my growth.
It also reminded me not to pray for patience, or non-procrastination...what would that word be? I have no idea.
Times of growth are hard, and challenging but I know the outcome is always worth it.
Even if you do have to call a mobile phone company agent and sound like a crazy person.