Well maybe he isn't a baby anymore but it sure feels like I carried him in my womb YESTERDAY, and maybe it's not really school, just a two day a week, couple of hours, Mother's Day Out program, but it will be two days a week that he is somewhere else without me, living his own little life.
And so it begins.....This whole process of raising a child, raising our hearts, only to let them go. A little bit here and a little bit there.
It seems a little bit backwards and a little bit twisted.....you mean I receive this PERSON, who I love more than I ever thought was possible and then I'm supposed to just hand them over to the world and hope we did ok with him? Weird. Yet normal.
Today it's hoping Eli remembers to share, and how to chew his food properly so he doesn't choke when I'm not there, and also that he remembers that gentle, but important rule of "NO HITTING".
I'm sure this is how it will be with each milestone, each time I send him out I hope he remembers what we taught him. When he goes to a friends house for the first time I hope he remember his manners, when he enters those higher grades in school I hope he stands strong in who he is and doesn't cave into peer pressure, and when he goes off to college I hope he remembers not to wear white socks with black pants, and that fast food isn't always the best choice, although the easiest.
And yes, all of this stemmed simply from the fact that I took Eli to a church to play for a little while. But I imagine this is how it will be with each milestone. Wanting to watch him grow but wanting to keep him little, wanting to experience seeing my child go out into the world, but wanting to hold his hand and keep him close.
Ahhh parenting. It's complex.
Clearly I'm getting way ahead of myself, today I need to focus on today.
This sweet boy was so excited about "CHOOL". He has talked about school for about a week now and tells everyone he meets that he's going to chool!!!
All morning while we got ready and packed his lunch he kept telling me he was ready to go to school. He would say "mama I go to chool NOW".
I was a little nervous that he might cry or get upset when I left but he walked right in, told me bye and started working on a puzzle.
I looked around to what seemed to resemble a war zone, children on the floor crying, moms walking out tears running down their face, the echos of children screaming everywhere, and then there was my independent child sitting at a table working on his puzzle.
I tried to create some sort of emotional goodbye because that seemed to be the thing to do but Eli wanted no part of it.
And so I let go. As I will do many other times in his life.
After I got Eli we went and got a celebratory cookie. Because he did so well on his first day and because his school is close to my favorite cookie shop. Win. Win.
I'm glad we made this decision to put him in school, today was just the first day but I think it will be so good for him.
And probably good for mama, a little bit of practice for putting his needs before mine when I just want to keep him close.
It's true. I can make any life experience dramatic. It is my gifting.
Happy first day of MDO Eli!