Today I turned 29 years old.
And as I went through my day of eating a breakfast my husband woke up early to cook me, taking Eli to the zoo and wrestling him to get in his stroller, and eating my yummy birthday cookie cake I thought about what I wanted to write about on my blog.
I don't think about what I'm going to write too often. Usually something memoriable or weird will happen (like a bird landing on my head) and I will sit down to type and the story just sort of unfolds.
But today was different, all day I thought about what I wanted to say on my birthday. Because for me, time and the natural act of aging isn't just something that I think about on my birthday, it's something that I think about often, and I wanted to try and put it into words somehow, someway.
Everyday, not just on my birthday I'm getting older, I don't hit my birthday and think "omigosh I'm almost 30". I'm thinking about it often. And not in an obsessive way, just in a mindful type of way.
Growing up I always heard that life goes so fast, but I'm pretty sure it gets faster as I get older. And yet, each year I get older, each day I get older but I don't feel like it. I still carry so many memories with me that seem so near to me.
Watching afternoon Full House reruns while the sound of my mom browning meat and watching Oprah came from the kitchen as she prepared dinner.
Walking into Disney World with my family for the first time.
Going to camp in 7th grade and meeting my now best friend thinking she was the funniest person I had ever met.
Meeting Luke for the first time on a field at a concert wondering, as I introduced myself to him, if he was my future husband - which wasn't profound, I wondered that about every boy I met from the age of 16 to Luke.
The feeling I had when I took a pregnancy test at work knowing, ready or not, my life was changing.
These are all memories that fill my little storage bank in my head. They all occurred at different points in my life, and they all make up a different part of my 29 years of life, yet every single one of them feels as if it happened yesterday.
Each year, time passes and separates me even more from these memories. But I still carry them. And I still add to them.
Today was a beautiful day so after dinner we went on one last walk before the sun went down. After I put the stroller in the garage I truned around to get Eli and I told him "it's time to tell the day goodbye".
It was pretty instanteous when I realized this is what I do everyday. Everyday I wake up and go on with my day, the ins and outs the good moments and the bad, and all long the way I am creating memories. Memories that shape me, memories that make me smile and some that I would probably rather forget.
And then at the end of the day I tell that day goodbye and get ready for the next. Time does move on, and so I move with it. Taking all my memories from the past, and creating new memories as I go.
I really have no idea if any of this made sense, and really it's just an outpouring of something I think of often, but it's my attempt to explain how I view time.
Maybe by the time I'm 30 I'll be able to explain it better.