3/7/13

I've got Mites

In sticking with the theme of "first world problems" around here I have another story to share.

But first, because I'm skilled in being an obsessive over sharer and giving way too many unnecessary details, I need to setup my story.

My grandparents have a small cabin about 20 minutes from our house that serves as a second home for them. They go there occasionally and when they do Eli and I like to go visit. 

Their cabin is on the land of my aunt and uncle which also serves as the home to lots of animals. Cows, horses, dogs, cats, goats, basically a kids paradise.

Except for my kid who is scared of animals. I thought he would have outgrown this by the age of two, but here we are at age two and he is still scared.

And every time he shows his fear of animals Luke has a mini panic attack that he is going to be a wimp in high school.

Because Eli's social status in high school is what we should worry about now.

Today Eli proved that he will indeed not be a wimp in high school by being just a bit more brave around the animals. He wanted to go near them, and make their animal noise at them, but he did not want to touch them. Fair enough. I don't enjoy touching animals who lick their private areas either.

So we spent the day playing outside, Eli walking through, falling and landing on manure several times and me thinking about how I couldn't wait to give him a bath.

We enjoyed our time outside on this beautiful day and then came home for the evening. It was then that I remembered that Luke had to work late I decided to take advantage of Eli and I already being dirty and go jogging.

And by go jogging I mean me almost passing out while pushing Eli uphill while he snacks on a banana and takes in the scenery.

Eli and I went jogging, or brisk walking however you choose to look at it, and the whole time I thought about showering.

I know that sounds extreme but I'm a recovering OCD'er. Meaning my OCD flares up at different times. My child's pacifier falling on the floor at the mall? Pick it up, lick it off and we're good to go. My child putting his hand on dry manure? I can't quit thinking about it.

We completed our walk and we were standing in the driveway while I guzzled water like I had just pushed a 27 pound toddler uphill.

It was then. At that moment. That a bird flew out of nowhere, although I'm assuming the sky, and LANDED ON MY HEAD.

In all reality it happened in a split second but it felt like an eternity as I pondered just why in the world a BIRD was ON MY HEAD. Was I in a magic trick show and I didn't even know it?

By the way I hate magic shows. One time my family went to a magic show in Branson and they wanted to sit in the front row. What kind of normal, sane family wants to sit in the front row? I protested our seating because I hate magic shows but they insisted that the front row was the best seating.

Guess who was the one person chosen to be an audience participant? It was the scariest minute of my life as I prayed that the man trying to guess my card number wouldn't be able to read my mind. I wanted to block whatever voo doo the magic trickster was using.

Back to the bird.

The bird flew off and went on it's possessed way and I screamed "A BIRD WAS ON MY HEAD!""

Nobody was outside to hear it except Eli who started laughing and said "bird on head bird on head" while patting his head.

I would have thought it was cute if I wasn't counting the MITES THAT WERE FILLING MY HAIR.

Two words came to mind. Bird and Flu.

I snatched Eli up and went inside. I had planned to give him a bath but desperate times called for desperate measure. A bird had just landed on my head. I needed to shower ASAP.

I turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot.

And waited.

And waited.

Do you see where this is going?

The hot water never came. I don't think in my 28 years on this beautiful earth have I ever not had hot water. Except for that time when I went camping with my best friend. Our friendship barely survived that camping trip and I vowed to never go camping or without hot water again.

So why, on the day when I had who knows what wandering free reign in my hair did I not have hot water?

AND WHY was this on the day when my husband was in a meeting where I couldn't reach him?

These are things that still have no answer.

I thought about all my options and decided that going to the emergency room because of a bird landing on my head was a bit out of line.

And WebMd was no help. First time in the history of ever that this gem has failed me.

The next option was to simply move on with life. Eli and I went to the kitchen and started eating dinner.

Luckily he can't talk in complete sentences yet or he probably would have asked me why I was itching my head all throughout dinner, and then getting up to wash my hand because it touched the infected bird area.

 Luke got home and switched some magical (not the voo doo kind) switch on this big grey tank in our garage. And then told me hot water probably wouldn't come till morning.

So here I sit, scratching my head and convincing myself that my headache is not from the bird that landed on my head.

Maybe my OCD is back after all? Do birds even have mites?

7 comments:

Bethany Haid said...

Yuck. Sounds a little like a tragedy that could have happened to me!! I am so afraid of any birds though that I don't know how I could have functioned.

Chelsi said...

omg lol! Dying.

Classy Fab Sarah said...

Complete. Nightmare.

Shudder.

Sharon said...

You have the funniest life and the way you tell your stories makes it even funnier.

You should write a book.

Cathy Prell said...

Megan, we have talked a couple times on Twitter, and email (mostly about Scentsy!) and I just had to comment on this post and tell you that you remind me so much of Big Mama (Melanie Shankle) -- similar writing style and so funny!!! I 2nd the idea that you should write a book. You are fun to read!

God bless,
Catherine Prell

melhuff said...

They do have mites! When I was a kid, I fell asleep on a lounge chair on the balcony at a hotel we were staying at on vacation. Unknown to me, a bird had made a nest under the chair and it was covered in mites. I woke up COVERED in them! I completely freaked out and proceeded to take an hour long shower. So, don't worry, you are not alone.

Rhiannon said...

Oh my gosh, Megan, I'm at work and I am losing it, losing it I tell you, cracking up at this hilarious story. People in my office keep giving me strange looks because I'm making the funniest sounds trying to stifle my laughter. I'm so sorry to hear a bird landed on your head, but love that you shared this magical (not the voo doo kind) experience with us. ;)