One day, in the not so near future, but not so far distance Luke and I will decide that the time has come for Eli to have a sibling.
Or simply a brother if you are asking Luke. He can't imagine our next child being a girl - he is convinced we will have another boy.
It seems like the natural progression for most people. Get married. Have a baby. Survive. Have another. Yes there are some people who opt to not do any of the above, but we are told that the majority of households have 2.5 children.
Is this still accurate? I learned this in 10th grade which even though it seems like last year to me I need to realize it was TWELVE YEARS AGO, so the 2.5 children could have gone down or up. I could research this but if it isn't Titanic facts or the cast of One Tree Hill I really don't feel like researching it.
Back to the next kid talk:
We know we want more kids, however it makes me SO NERVOUS. Eli is my baby boy. My bubba wubba. My sweet precious Eli Tree who is my PRIDE AND JOY. I can't imagine loving another as much as I love him.
And I know, I've been told that it just happens. You wonder how you could love another crawling, crying, puking little critter as much as you loved that first one, but then that baby is born and somewhere between the sleepless nights, sore boobs and crying fits (you not the baby) you find that you are just as much in love with this new baby as you were the first.
But it still scares me.
And thinking back I remember being scared of having Eli. When I was pregnant I couldn't imagine what bringing a baby into our lives would do. We had a rhythm and a good thing going and it was all about to change. And it scared me.
And now? I can't even remember that rhthym. Nor do I want to. Life is how it should be for us. Looking back at pictures of just me and Luke we look happy, in love, but not complete.
And maybe there is a future little Tree (or 2 or 3) going to be added to the mix in the future, and I will watch as my heart grows right a long with my waisteline.
If I've learned anything from my 1 1/2 years of motherhood it's that my fears and worries are usually much bigger than the actual event itself. Life just happens and it comes together.
I hope these feelings are normal though, but I've never been one to be "normal" so they very well may not be.
Until the next one comes (not soon) I will enjoy Eli's toddler years and not worry about how my heart will grow. Because it will.
In the meantime I will focus on not letting my waistline grow. That can wait till later.
Posted by Megan at Wednesday, August 01, 2012