6/19/12

Hidden Words

Lately I've let my guard down.

The worst kind of guard. I've allowed lies, insecurities and fears to slowly creep into my mind and heart.

The sad thing is I know how it happens. It always happens when I quit spending consistent quiet time with the Lord. When I quit exhibiting the self control that I know I have in my life and instead allow negative thoughts to creep into my mind.

Insecurity has been plaguing me lately. And for me its not insecurity about how I look or what material things I have, yes I love some nice material things, but I also don't put my hope and happiness in material objects.

Instead for me, insecurity comes in the form of comparison, comparing myself to others personalities. I've always had a complex with my personality. I feel like everybody is more likable, less awkward, more outgoing, less abrupt. Basically just a better person all around.

I've also been a little aggravated with God lately and I've started to let bitterness take root.

Let it be said that lack of time with God plus comparing yourself to others and dwelling on bitterness can not and will not equal anything good.

Last night while lying in bed I was having one heck of a pity party. I was entertaining every lie and negative thought that was coming my way. The bitterness had taken full control and the negativity came soon after.

Nothing was safe from attack I was evaluating and tearing apart pretty much every area of my life.

After some pretty extensive partying going on in the pity department, a verse from the bible popped into my head. It wasn't word for word but it was good enough to give me a minute to reevaluate was I was doing and what was going on in my mind and remember what I NEEDED to do.

The verse was one about staying alert and watching for attacks from the enemy who prowls around looking for someone to devour.

And then other verses started going through my mind:

Stand Firm.

Take every thought captive.

The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.

I had a choice at that moment to entertain the negative, or entertain the positive. Both could be life changing words which direction did I want to go?

As I sat there, seriously contemplating whether I wanted to continue with my pity party or move forward with these words of life I decided to look at my life devotional for the day. I was already in bed with the lights out, with Luke asleep next to me, but I decided to turn on the lights and read the short devotional.

And sure enough, there in front of me was the very verse that was brought to my mind when I wanted to do nothing but entertain negative thoughts. The same exact verse. The date was June 19th and this was the verse for June 19th. Ok God, I catch your drift....



Part of my pity party was thinking about how God doesn't listen to me anymore and how lately it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall rather than the close relationship with the Lord that I have experienced in the past.

And then just like that He shows me that He is still there, still listening, still teaching me. One (of many) lessons learned.

Last night, after a record breaking pity party I was reminded just how important it is to memorize God's truth. In the moments when you least expect it and probably most need it those words that you once memorized are brought to life.

I'm not the best at scripture memory, but I want to get better and this was definitely the encouragement I needed.

.....take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

13 comments:

Samantha said...

I so relate to this. I'm constantly worried about what people think about my personality. Do I come across well or funny or witty or awkward? I also relate with feeling like God has been quiet recently. I'm right there with ya. I don't have anything else to say, but that I relate.

Life and Times . . . said...

Thank you for your openness and honesty. I needed this tonight. You may not realize it but God used you because you were willing to share.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

This is awesome. And so are you. I know that's not why you wrote the post, but I do think you are awesome and there are probably so many people who are jealous of YOU. :) So don't let the enemy get you. I love that God is always SO quick to remind us that he is there and we just have to trust him.

Ashley said...

Such a great reminder. How awesome is God that He dwells in the details of a small devotional book. LOVE.

PS - I KNOW this is not why you wrote this post, but I think you're one of the coolest, funniest people EVER!

Becca said...

I love you sweet friend! I am praying you will continually be able to stay rooted in the Truth of who you are in HIM. Also, I totally do the same thing and can relate to this post 100%

Anna Catherine said...

The equation seems so simple, spend quality time with God = a mind that's more at peace with everything, yet so often I let other things get in the way and that's when the Devil begins taking over my thoughts. I struggle with it over and over.
Thanks for sharing. I needed this reminder yet again.

Julie said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. I also struggle with negative thoughts about my personality and who I am. I like Phil. 4:8 about fixing our thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, etc. :o)

Shannon said...

I am right there with you, Megan. I'm a WORRIER of everything - and that's what happens to me when I lose consistent time in scripture. Worrying takes me over completely. Know that I love and miss you - especially our walks around the neighborhood! So glad I can read your blog and still feel connected to such a dear person and place. :)

Handful of Love said...

Megan, dear friend, God uses you constantly. I have sat back and watched Him work through you over the past couple of years.

You have ministered to me when I have needed it most, just like you did now.

This move has not been an easy one, but I have been blessed by finding myself surrounded by a group of young women who have a heart for God and remind me of the truths you have just wrote about.

Remember to surround yourself with those who will help build you up.

"But exhort one another every day, as long as it it is called 'today,' so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:13

"Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

The Okons said...

I struggle with the same issues! This post was also a way for God to speak to me. In my Beth Moore bible study last week on a day I was feeling down was also this EXACT verse that God used to help me! And here it is again, glorious!

Nicole said...

Thank you for posting this. I needed it today. Isn't it amazing and don't you just LOVE how God always finds a way to sneak something in there, just when you need it??

Brandie Brown said...

I love you and your honesty! My awkward and introverted self has the same sort of pity parties every few months and it always seems that God speaks to me in ways that I never thought possible. Thank you for this post.

Faith said...

aww thank you for your transparency! i struggle quite a bit too about comparison. in various areas of life. and its not always consistently the same things. but definitely the struggle is ever-present. the enemy is always on the prowl. and he knows all of our vulnerabilities and he knows exactly how to attack us. thanks for sharing your heart. this is such a good reminder of putting on the full armor of faith. i know i can always differentiate between my days when i've spent time with the Lord and when i have not.