4/23/12

The Snake



Yesterday started out just like any normal Sunday.

Luke got up and left for band practice at church and Eli and I woke up and got our morning started.

Breakfast, a bit of playing, shower and getting dressed. Normal.

We managed to do all of this successfully and we were headed out the door right on schedule.

And then the whole morning took a drastic turn.

I rounded the corner of our bedroom holding Eli, on our way to the garage when I was stopped dead in my tracks.

There, before me, was my worst fear in all of its slithery, hissing, no legged fashion.

A snake.

I have always claimed that if I ever saw a snake in my house I would fall down and die right there. This was before I had a child to care for, laying down and dying was no longer an option.

As I stood there frozen, staring at the snake I started shaking. Not a small tremble through my body but a full on, convulsing in a self inflicted I HATE SNAKES sort of shaking,  wondering WHY this was happening to me.

I'm a good person!! I mean I gave up aspartame for goodness sake, how much more of a good person can I become?!?!

As I stood there shaking and staring at the snake while holding a laughing baby who thought my shaking was all in fun I did what came naturally. I called Luke. I knew there was nothing he could do but I wanted him to know that he left his wife and child at home ALONE WITH A SNAKE.

He didn't answer. I called two more times and no answer. It's a good thing the snake wasn't attacking us and holding us hostage in our bedroom.

I was still standing in front of the snake watching it to make sure it didn't move while wrestling with Eli who wanted down on the ground BY THE SNAKE.

I then called my dad, again, not sure what he could have done but it felt right at the time. He wasn't available but my mom who I spoke to told me to just "pray for strength".

Now, we know I'm all about prayer, and I love the Lord, however, praying for strength in this particular moment was NOT GOING TO MAKE THE SNAKE DISAPPEAR.

Worst advice ever.

As I was contemplating taking out a screen and escaping through a  window I looked over and noticed a plastic tub in our bedroom. PERFECT. I would put the tub on the snake, trapping it and escape the house unharmed with my child on my hip. Brilliant.

I put my baby down who immediately went lunging FOR THE SNAKE, so I had to lock him in his room. I then got the tub and stood as far away from the snake as I could while still being able to place the tub over Alfred (I named him that). I watched for a bit. He seemed confused as to why he was trapped and didn't look like he was going to escape.


I congratulated myself on my genius thought of putting the tub over the snake and for staying brave when all I really wanted to do was scream and cry. A baby changes everything. I'm convinced before Eli I would have crawled on top of a counter and not moved until Luke got home.

I grabbed Eli, hopped in the car and shivered the entire way to church with thoughts of snakes crawilng on my body.

When we got to church I made sure everyone within shouting range knew that I had wrested with a snake that morning. Several people asked if I had put something heavy on top of the tub so the snake couldn't slither out.

I'm sorry, as weird as it may seem I am not skilled in SNAKE TRAPPING. I never thought to put something heavy on the tub I just wanted out of the house.

When we got home Luke and I tiptoed into the house and much to our horror discovered my awesome snake trap did not hold up. We stared at the empty tub both realizing at the same time that there was a snake loose in our home.
Empty snake trap

And then I died.

At least I thought I was going to. It was traumatic.

I started feeding Eli his lunch and left Luke to hunt out the snake.

It was at this point and moment in my life that I realized that my big, strong, handsome husband was indeed scared of snakes.

That would have been nice to know before I said YES when he got down on one knee.

I watched him prance around the living room similar to a little girl playing hopscotch while looking for the snake, all while holding a shovel. It was not his most attractive moment.

We finally located Alfred behind the couch and thus the snake chase began. Luke brought in several boxes, shovels, and brooms in his attempt to do something. I'm still not sure what he was trying to do. I know the ultimate goal was to get the snake out of our house but his means of going about this seemed a little strange to me.
Eli and I watching Luke try and "wrangle" the tiny snake. 

Yesterday I learned not to doubt your husband and his snake trapping abilities. Apparently it affect his manhood or something like that.  Also, do not try and film his snake trapping abilities, he does not like it.

I have five different videos attempting to film Luke and Alfred. All met with a "TURN THE CAMERA OFF" So rude.

In what may be known as the longest, most drawn-out snake capturing story ever, Luke managed to catch the snake using a cardboard box and shovel.

It was a few hours after the snake left our house that I realized I was suffering from SPTSD; Snake Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Every corner I turned, every cord I saw, every shadow on the ground I thought was a snake ready to jump out at me.

I still see snakes out of the corner of my eyes, and don't even get me started about the blanket that grazed my shoulder tonight when I sat on the couch. I screamed so loud. It was terrifying. I'm still recovering.

For the record the snake was a "rat bull" snake and is not poisonous, nor was he very big. HOWEVER when it comes to a snake in my house I don't care what size it is or if it is poisonous or not, I WANT IT OUT.

We have been 24 hours snake free and I'm praying (literally) that it stays that way. I really don't want to have to move.

37 comments:

Brielle said...

OMG I would have died! I am terrified of snakes!! How did it get in!?!? Ahhh!!!

Brigitte said...

I have gotten chills twice reading this! I hate snakes... I have finally progressed to being able to look at them on tv. This disturbed me so much I made my husband read your post which he thought was hilarious of course. Typical guy.

Sonya said...

I have to share my snake story... I was in my classroom one day and I got up from my computer to start walking towards my desk at the back of the room. As a turned I happened to look below the whiteboard and noticed something on the ground. I thought it was a cord but I did a double take and it was a snake! I hate snakes and they scare the living day lights out of me! I turned and walked out the door of my room as fast as I could! I started walking down the hallway looking for anyone who could help. Someone thought I was going to get sick because I was holding my stomach but I was ai scared I didn't know what to do! The crazy Lady who taught special Ed grabbed a bucket & scooped him up. Sadly he didn't leave the building because another teacher wanted it in his room! They let it go the next day but every morning after that I scanned that room carefully before walking in. I swore if I saw another one or if it had snake babies they would have to find me a new room!

The Okons said...

Oh my gosh, so scary! Your description of Luke trying to catch it seriously made me laugh out loud though!

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

Bleh! no, no, no! I'm totally laughing at you, but I would have freaked out. Straight up screaming and skin crawling. And I know you say it's a small snake, but it doesn't look so small to me. Where did Luke find it??

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

Nevermind-- behind the couch. Not sure how I missed that. Eek.

Lacy said...

All things are large and ready to attack in my opinion. Ha I'm terrified of snakes.. *shudders*

As a kid my parents had a house built on a den of snakes. And obviously the snakes were not happy at all. We had like 4 snakes in our house shortly after morning in. My Daddy has a very big fear of snakes so he put the house on the market the following week. Ha

Here in Texas you can call the sheriff's office and they will come and remove it for you. Might want to check in on that in your state.

Ashlee said...

This is the most terrifying blog post I have ever read. What if a snake gets in my house? I can't stand the thought of seeing them outside a lot less IN.MY.HOUSE!!! I would have climbed out the window, or called the police. Just in case next time try that, and make sure to say you have a baby....I'm holding my baby and there is a snake inside my house...I think that will get them there faster! (hopefully there is not a next time)

Sassy Amie said...

I would've freaked out too but this is hilarious! You know how to tell a story!

Chelsi said...

I would have died. That is a HUGE snake. This is why I can NEVER live where those crazy things are. What IS it that makes them so creepy?! YUCK. And, my husband wouldn't have caught it. I'm fairly certain we would have had to have someone else catch it. And kudos to you for the whole trapping idea. Ahhhhhhh! I have watched the specials on tv about the Burmese Python that is taking over the Everglades.... Google it. Wait, don't.

Classy Fab Sarah said...

I think I might vomit. You are a very brave woman.

R said...

I would have peed myself. That window you were looking at would have become my escape. I'm all shaky just thinking about it.

Suzanne said...

I literally just spewed coffee when reading about your husband prancing around the living room like a girl playing hopscotch. Your story just made my morning (even though there is now coffee on my planner, ha!

Rebecca Jo said...

i seriously laughed all the way through this post
...only because I would have reacted the exact same way!

one time we had a baby snake in our house & it got behind a cabinet. The hubs told me to stand guard if it came out. I told him, OK, I'm ready & he moved the cabinet & I screamed like a mass murderer was behind me & jetted up the stairs!!!

i dont do snakes

Kate said...

oh my gosh! scariest thing ever. I don't know what I would have done!! That is a BIG snake to have in your house. Glad you guys got him out!

Sky said...

You have wonderful storytelling skills! This post made me laugh so hard, because I could just picture my husband and I doing the same thing :-)

jen mccrady said...

Your stories are the greatest :) Love it.

Jess said...

I can completely sympathize. Especially with the SPTSD, because I'm currently on guard at work... a week after seeing a mouse (my version of snakes).

Like, I say a silent prayer several times a day that I won't see one as I walk into a room.

http://allamericanjess.blogspot.com/2012/04/mouse-say-what.html

Dianna said...

This was so freaking funny! Mostly because I can imagine myself doing the same thing! Thanks for sharing and making me laugh so hard my coworkers were worried about me!

calikissa said...

My in laws had a snake slither out from under the coffee table not long ago. Until they moved I was afraid to be alone in the house because I was sure one would appear then. Don't worry the move wasn't snake related. :) hopefully he was an outcast and you don't find more.

Laura said...

You are hilarious.

...and THAT...is scary. I'm glad you FOUND him. Can you imagine if you hadn't?! Talk about SPTSD.

Anonymous said...

This story and the one about your neighbors mowing your lawn are my absolute favorites! I can not imagine what it would be like to find a snake in the house! Glad you got rid of it!

Tricia said...

OMG, I would have LOST IT walking in the door and seeing an empty container. That story really made me laugh. You handled it perfectly.

BGH said...

Totally with you on the dying part. I probably would be very tempted to sell my house and move.

Stolen by Mullen said...

OH MY GOSH. I would be moving.....I couldn't do it. I HATEEEEEE snakes and don't know what I would have done - sounds like you were super brave - I probably would have crawled out the window with Addy and never stepped foot in the house again! Your story made me laugh out loud and I am now looking for any snakes in my house!

According to Ashley said...

Bahahaha! I am dying! I can just imagine the look on your face when someone asked, "Well did you put something heavy on top of the box to make sure he doesn't escape?" :) Glad everyone survived!

Beth said...

When I was in elementary school, my mom (a single mom at the time) found an 8 foot black snake nestled up around her bed...the bed my brother and I were sleeping in at the time! I was seriously trying to convince her to put the house on the market...RIGHT THEN. For a penny. We were all traumatized, except for my brother, who we left in the room to watch for the snake (keep in mind, he was about 5 years old!) while we were up on the kitchen cabinets waiting for our neighbor and fire department to come rescue us! :)

Aja said...

Oh sweet Jesus. I seriously would have died! A large snake once slithered into our garage, right before my very eyes. I was leaving (with my baby) so there wasn't much I could do other than give my husband an earful later. Fast forward to a few weekends ago when I found a disgusting snake skin in a dark corner of the garage. Yeck. I can only hope he found his way out! Way to go with the tub trap. And way to go Luke for tracking him down!

Lauren said...

You are WAY braver than I am. I would have left and not set foot back in the house til it had been found...or I would have called 911 or something really stupid like that. Ha.

...we did have one time that there was a roach in our house. I trapped it under a piece of tupperware and put books on top of it til my husband got home. I am scared of them too. See you are cooler than me.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

No freaking way. I would have died. Dead. On the spot.

Brandy said...

Hilarious!! I would have died too. Snakes are terrifying!

Anonymous said...

Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my. My heart is trying to beat out of my chest...that is all I can say.

Kim

***I do admire your bravery and your snake capturing abilities.***

Anonymous said...

Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my. My heart is trying to beat out of my chest...that is all I can say.

Kim

***I do admire your bravery and your snake capturing abilities.***

Nicole said...

OMG!! I had a VERY similar incident with a mouse while pregnant - I even used the same trap!! I will count my blessings if it happens again that it's not a snake!!

Melissa @ A Dozen Years Later said...

I just about died when I read this. Snakes are so scary. I am glad it was finally caught.

Anonymous said...

How did it get in????

Anonymous said...

OMG! I was laughing out loud, not because a snake in the house is funny, I would have died as well, but your story telling cracks me up!! I truly hope you do not have any more snake incidents, I don't even like them outside or behind glass at the zoo, YUCK! How did he get in...the garage? I think like another commenter I would have probably called 911, whether they thought I was crazy or not!