This morning I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day. Eli was still sleeping in his crib and Luke was in the office.
I was in the middle of my normal routine of primping and brushing my hair and looking in the mirror when it hit me; I'm somebody's wife. I'm somebody's mom.
When I look in the mirror I see the same ole me that I've always seen. The me from jr high who played the clarinet but didn't want anybody to know. The me from high school who chose hanging out with her youth group over high school parties and the "in" scene.
Clearly if I played the clarinet I didn't need to worry about the "in" scene too much. They weren't exactly begging me to hang out with them.
Sometimes I can't believe that this is my life. That I really got the cute baby, the handsome, caring and Godly husband, the beautiful home and everything else my life is made up of.
I honestly feel like any day I will wake up and I will be in high school dreaming about what my life will look like in the future. Who will I marry? Will I get married? What will I do? Where will I live?
I spend SO much time worrying about the future, that sometimes when I'm actually living it it's hard to believe, wow there was no point in my worrying, it all worked out.
We are in a season of our lives right now were "wants" have taken a backseat. New clothes, blonde hair (for me, Luke would make a terrible blonde), eating out and fancy vacations are things that we will visit again in the future. By me working part time we have chosen to put material things on hold for now and really it is ok.
Most times, when I want to complain about not going shopping, or how I desperately need new wedges I remember just how lucky and blessed I am. Our God has provided for our needs, and for that I am thankful.
Life isn't always easy. Luke and I fight. Eli has fussy days. I decide I want new furniture THAT DAY and proceed to have a pity party because I can't get it THAT DAY (think Veruca from Willy Wonka).
In the moments of thinking about what I "need" I forget about all that I have. Everything that I once wanted so bad (husband, baby, house, good job, good friends) and instead focus on what I don't have.
And when the times come where I'm complaining about wearing "old" clothes or looking at my house picturing where I would put new decorations if I had them I try and remember to stop and be thankful.
Lately I've been practicing just stopping and thanking God for what he has provided now. For this season. For my life.
And the more I've done this the more I feel materialistic wants go away. Yes I still want new clothes, and things of that nature but it doesn't become a need or an obsession, or something that brings me happiness and satisfaction. It is simply a luxury that I sometimes get and sometimes don't.
I have so much to be thankful for, like these two guys...
The best musicians in the world. And they're all mine forever (well at least one of them is mine forever, the other is mine until he marries a stinky ole girl, but I won't think about that, instead I'll be a crazy boy mom for now).My cup is overflowing.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15