11/7/11

Transitioning

This post is going to be a bit hard to put into words but I'm going to try my best to do it.
For the past couple of months now I have toyed around with the idea of shutting down my blog or just making it private.

When I first started my blog I wanted people to read it, I wanted to be known by other bloggers and wanted to get comments. I remember my first comment from a "stranger" in the blog world made me so excited I was close to jumping up and down yelling "SOMEBODY READS MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!" I couldn't believe it.

Overtime, through the transitions of life, my blog turned into a place where I came to post stories of nonsense from our first days as a married couple. I don't even know what I would write about. Sometimes it was simply stories of us watching American Idol but somehow I made it into a post and people commented on it. Go figure.

My life has transitioned throughout the years and I have continued to blog and continued to tell the stories of our life. And somewhere along the line that same person who was so excited that people read her blog suddenly didn't care at all if anybody read that same blog.

Lately I have lost that desire to write. I feel like my blog has become a double edged sword.
So many people from my real life read my blog. Which at times is great. For example when I am sharing stories of Eli's growth and progress it's awesome that I have a place where I am able to communicate all of this information.

But on the same hand, I also like to come on here and journal about situations in my life or thoughts that are going on in my head, which is hard knowing that so many people in my life read this. I sometimes think, "why do they get to know the inner workings of my mind and I don't get to know theirs?" I make myself vulnerable to them, yet they have the option to stay closed off to me.

It's hard. But as my wise husband reminds me, I make the chioce to open myself up. Which is why I've thought long and hard about why I blog and if I really want to continue.
I've been thinking about it for awhile now and It has even prompted some other posts I've written recently here when I didn't yet have the "guts" to write out these actual words that I'm writing today.

As my life has transitioned I have found it hard for my blog to transition along with my life. I don't want to be stereotyped as a "mom blogger" yet I do want to blog stories about my baby and what he is doing.

I do want to come on my blog and write about boring details from our weekend simply for our own memory but then I think "I don't want people to think that I think they actually care about this". Which sounds SO WEIRD, but it goes through my mind.

I always strive to be an authentic person. I don't want to wear masks in my life. I want to be the same person on here that I am at church, that I am at work, that I am when I'm at home and that I am when with friends. And so far I think I've done a good job, but lately I've started over thinking it and it takes away the authenticity.

Plus, I've always been an open person and I've always found myself getting frustrated because so many times I share all that I am with people only to half a piece of them in return. It's just the price I pay for being such a loud mouth. :-)

I really have no idea if any of this makes sense, but these are thoughts that have been stirring around in my head. I will continue to blog and I will try to stop thinking about it so much.

Basically I'm just saying that I want this blog to be about my life, I don't want to try and come up with posts that I think others want to read just to keep readers, and I also don't want to censor what I say because I think people won't want to read it. I just want to be me and be authentic.

50 comments:

Ashley - The Christian Wife Life said...

That's why I love your blog - because you're so authentic! You've always inspired me to be as real as I can with my own blog, even though I don't know you. Thank you for sharing your life with us - it's not just a blog, it's a ministry.

Much love,
Ashley

Lindsey B said...

I think every blogger has these thoughts at some point.

I feel like I am also in the same situation of wanting to be authentic, open, and honest yet I find myself questioning if people really want to read what I am writing. Why I even have those thoughts, I'm not sure!

I hope you "find your grove" again soon and can mold your blog into what you feel comfortable with it being!

Mandy Rose said...

Girl, I soooo feel ya! I struggle with a lot of the same things! For me, I had to start letting go of "never being good enough" in the blog world. Because you know what...Jesus thinks we are always good enough! Keep blogging! Keep being you!

Wendy said...

I totally agree with you and I'm going through the same thing. I find myself editing what I say so much more since more people know about my blog and read it, that I sometimes can't even write a post that's even the least bit interesting anymore! It is truly a double-edged sword! For me, it has started to become a chore and I feel like I owe my readers a post instead of just posting when I feel like it. And yes, I know what you mean about posting what will bring more readers - I see that all of the time and sometimes I just get tired of hearing about being a stay at home mommie from bloggers - it's kinda the same story and they kinda say what will get the most positive comments. Oh well, guess we will figure it out along the way! Hope you don't shut down, but I would totally understand if you did!

Jane said...

You are very authentic! You could be like me and only blog 3 times a month sometimes! :) So excited to see you soon!

Ashley W said...

I don't believe you are the only person who feels this way. This is YOUR blog and YOUR life. When the readers dwindle away and your babies grow up, you will have YOUR blog with YOUR memories. Keep it authentic and real. In the end, it's all for you anyway.

Alex and Jill said...

I struggled with this off and on for the longest time and FINALLY came to a point of making myself figure out why I was blogging. I could never blog to make $ (not that it's wrong for anyone else to do so), or for comments, or for any other reason but to journal what's going on in my life. And if there are people that are interested in reading - that's fine, but I don't write what I write for them. It would totally stress me out to have to come up with a daily subject to write about, just so I can get as many folks as possible to visit my blog. That's why I only blog once a week at best. LOL Blogging is not my life.

I said all of that to say this...what you said makes total sense. You ARE authentic and that's one of the many reasons I love you. Keep blogging and if you go private...just make sure you send me an invite. :)

Bethany said...

Thanks for your honesty. I don't know if I've ever commented before, but I grew up an Okie too, and I appreciate the glimpses into life "back home" that your blog gives. Plus, it is TOO FUN to watch Eli grow up!! But very true - don't blog for us - blog for yourself because otherwise, there won't be an true satisfaction from it.

Michelle said...

I love this post and can completely relate! I haven't even been blogging that long, but I sometimes feel this way. But from what I've read, I think you do a great job of being true to yourself and authentic!

It drives me crazy when people apologize for writing "boring" posts or recap posts on THEIR OWN blog, yet I found myself pretty much doing that today.

I'm keeping my original approach and the idea of being me and authentic, just like you said! Its YOUR blog so blog about what YOU want!! If people don't like, they don't have to read :)

That's what I try to tell myself anyways!

bbundy said...

I actually thought about shutting my blog down twice today! I think my problem is that I read extremely popular blogs and wonder why I only have eight followers. I really like what Ashley W. said. That is really all that matters!

Kodi said...

You're so authentic & I love that, but I TOTALLY understand what you mean about being open to people that are closed off to you. I want to write so many posts that I don't end up sharing because of feeling vulnerable. It sucks!

Krystal said...

You write what you want to write, we wouldn't keep reading if we didn't want to!! Do it for yourself! My blog is usually just a bunch of nothing but my mom and my sisters enjoy it and I guess some other people do too. I like it and I'm going to keep doing it! It doesn't matter what other people think!! You're amazing and I love reading about all of it!!

Maria said...

I totally get it. I just started my blog and thought I knew what I was doing but now I'm not so sure. I found out a family member has been reading it and now I don't know if I should post certain things. I wanna be open but still keep my thoughts guarded. I guess it's a work in progress. If you find a balance, let me know ;)

Megan said...

I just found your blog a couple of months ago, and I have enjoyed it so much because you are so authentic and easy to relate to! :) But I do understand where you're coming from. My blog is so private, I don't even share it with my friends! (Mine is more of a journal of my family life. I am not a good writer, so it would be super boring to anyone except me! haha) Although I understand the issues that come along with making your blog public, I hope you do continue with it! You would be missed if you went private! :)

Kayla said...

I think your blog- for me personally is more like a ministry. I love to read your blog(even though I don't know you) because being a mommy I can relate to you. The ups and downs of mommy hood. Don't ever change you!!!! Just be you:)))

N said...

Megan-

I am a long time reader of your blog (as well as following you on twitter) and I know I would miss it if you did decide to shut it down. I love your style of writing and how authentic you are. Unfortunately I am not a good blogger myself, I really wish I was better at it because it is a lot of fun and a good outlet but it is just so hard to find the patience. I am also not a good commenter on all the blogs I read. After reading your post I can see how it must be hard to be so open with others when they don't seem to share much themselves. I do however think the blogging community sometimes just feels so inclusive because everybody already seems to know everybody and so it is harder for 'newbies/lurkers' to join in. Sometimes I think it can be seem intimidating to join in because it feels like you are outside the inner circle. I know that probably sounds really silly but it might be a reason other people don't comment/blog themselves.

Hope you make a decision you will be happy with :)

Nicola

Love Being A Nonny said...

Your blog is so easy to relate to...hey, I'm a Nonny and I relate to it. And no, you don't write like an old lady. My point is, young, old and in between find you real, funny and like someone we want to be friends with. Keep it real....I loved it before Eli and I love it after Eli.............

Tricia said...

I agree with most other comments that I think we all struggle with these same feelings. At the end of the day, this is truly for you, your memories and you need to do what is best for you. I adore your blog and get so much out of it every time I read it. I feel like you are being very true to who you are, and I love that about your posts. True and honest. When you were going through your pregnancy, I remember how real you were with your feelings. Most other people make it sound like it's just this perfect thing each day of the pregnancy. You kept it real and honest, which was so refreshing!!! I adore your blog, but we all certainly want you happy and to only do what is best for you. In other words, please don't leave us. :)

Cari said...

I don't tell anyone in my family, friends, co-worker's about my blog because I like it to be my outlet and a place for me to "meet" other women who are on this crazy journey called life with me.

My husband does know about it but doesn't read it and he's fine with that. I think we all struggle with this but I LOVE your blog because you're very authentic, funny and just plain adorable. Whatever you decide you know that your long-term readers support you :)

Savannah said...

Well said! I think you should blog for you and your sweet family - not anyone else. The blog love will still be there. Have a great day!

Rebecca Jo said...

I think when people try to do blogs to please others, it looses its magic... so just keep being you! That's what makes it so special...

Let me tell you something - I never had any babies of my own so what you think is boring & "usual" - its magical to me :) So dont ever think something is "boring" or not worth reading. If its in your life, its important & matters :)

Jac said...

A couple things....
1. I am a stranger commenting on your blog.
2. I am not a mother and don't know if I ever want to be.
3. I subscribe to maybe 150 blogs, some of them shut down.
4 (most important). You are my favorite blogger.

I love how you write and what you write because you are so real, warts and all. I like hearing about Eli and your husband and your stumbles and successes. I hope you make it through this crisis.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I find you to be very authentic which is why I'm still coming by years later. I've struggled with this a lot too, but at the end of the day, I want this blog to be a way to look back for me and my family. If it gets comments, yay, if not, who cares. Years from now, I'm not going to care who commented but I'll be overjoyed that I have this to look back at.

Jess said...

I pretty much echo what everyone else says.

I have a much smaller following and am super excited when I get more than a couple comments on my blog. But, even I have had issues with censoring myself. I recently had an experience where I blogged about something that was going on in my life and then I proceeded to get yelled at by someone who read it and thought it was about them.

Like many have said, and like I try to remember myself....... your blog is about you and what you want to write about. It's ok if you post something that you think other won't be interested in.... because years from now, it will be YOUR scrapbook of YOUR life. Eli will be able to look back and see what his mom thought about his first Christmas. Your children will get to see how you felt about dating their dad and planning your wedding. They'll really get to know you before them :) That is the important thing. What everyone else thinks? So not important.

Becca said...

I got nervous you were going to shut down your blog! :-) I'm gad you're not!

Sarah said...

I have always loved reading your blog, and I have always taken it as you writing about your life. It's a little window into who you are. I don't know you personally, but from what I read I think you're an amazing person. I read your blog because you inspire me. You seem like a really good person, and it is people like you that make me want to be a good person as well. Kepp blogging because I think you do a great job at it!

Carolyn said...

And this is why I look forward to reading what you have to say. Because you are not perfect and you don't try to be. You just write about your life, and it's fun to read about your perspective. Don't let the meanies get you down, and don't let the pressure get to you. Keep on doing what you do.

Dianna said...

I love how honest you are in your blog and I love hearing about your weekend or what Eli is up to. Thanks for sharing your life with us. I know it can be challenging.

Kim said...

I've been reading your blog for a while and love your honesty. You need to do whatever you decide is right, but I would miss reading about your "boring" weekends. As someone who isn't a mom yet your weekends actually seem pretty interesting.

Sweet Simplicity said...

I feel ya! I love reading all the "boring" weekend recaps from you, but that's because I just want to know what is going on with y'all. It is an easy way for me to keep up with you. I don't always like to read weekend recaps from people that I don't actually know in real life. I was so into blogging for a couple of years, but I think at some point it becomes more of a job, than something you enjoy. You could always go private for a while and then decide if you like it or not. Can't wait to see you this Friday!!!

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

In the same boat over here. So many in real life people read my blog. And for the longest time I was so ashamed of that. But then I find that I censor my posts because of it. It's really, really hard. But, I just decided to screw it. I'm being authentic. Writing what I want. And if people don't like it, ohhh well. Anyway, we can relate over here. My husband sounds much like yours.

Lindsey said...

I would be so sad if you shut down your blog! I love reading stories of your life (especially that cute baby of yours) and you[ve always come off as very authentic to me (although I've never met you, so how can i be sure? :) Anyways, I'm just a random reader that found your blog probably a couple years ago, and its definitely my favorite out there since I relate to you so much.

M.W. said...

As others have said, I come here because I like you. Write for yourself, and we'll keep reading anyway. Don't feel like you have to keep readers, etc. The minute you write for someone other than yourself is when you start doubting yourself, and that only leads to bad things.

Carolyn said...

I totally hear you! I love blogging and the friends I've made, but there are times when people from my life read my blog and assume things just because of what they read. It's so frustrating! Do what's best for you! Everyone else can just deal. :)

Laura said...

I think about this often. When I walk into church, there are people there who are going to look at me and know what I did this week...what I was up to. When I get to work, people are saying, "Oh my gosh, I saw what you posted, and..." xyz. It's hard to share, share, share, which you WANT to do...but have everyone know about your life and not know as much about theirs due to them being closed off, as you put it. I think you do a great job at being authentic and blogging when you have something you want to share, and really, that's all you can do.

Tara said...

Megan,

I totally understand about wanting your blog to be a place where you can write about mundane things and the relief that you don't have to impress anybody. I love your blog- but you do what is best for you and we will be OK with that! :)

Meagan said...

I absolutely love your blog. I am a teenager and see so many things in you that I hope to be in the future. I love hearing about your church and your family and your walk with God. You have really inspired me in so many ways! Thank you so much for that :) I also love hearing about your adorable baby Eli! He is so precious :) Thank you for being a great example of a Godly woman!

Though saying that, I would completely understand if you decided to make it private seeing as mine is private! But I would definitely miss it :) Well i dont even know if you will read this but thanks for writing! :)

Bethany said...

Yes Yes and YES!

Girl, just move to my city okay? We can be in real life friends and you can know as much about me as I know about you. Or blog hit me. mamabethany.com

Anyway, I have had to struggle with authenticity and desire to NOT blog to get readers, just to be me. I struggle still with this, but you know what? I am still blogging because its something that I like to do.

Keep it as a place for you and when your writing desire is back, I bet your readers will still be here, too. If they aren't... well... you didn't write for them anyway so who cares? :)

Thanks also for writing candidly about God and also about insecurity and Beth Moore - it was great for me to read!

Kelly Gibbs said...

I read your blog because of it's truthfulness. I have a baby boy that is around the same age as Eli and it is SO refreshing to hear your thoughts. I sometimes think I'm not normal and then I read yours and others blogs and realize that there are other mama's out there that are going through the same things as me. Keep on being real! :)

Life and Times . . . said...

I've only been blogging since March, but I've found that I tend to censor myself more for those people I know than those I don't know. Sad huh? I also censor some because we're in the middle of an international adoption and I don't want to write something "off the cuff" that has lasting repurcussions. Still I know I put plenty out there that makes my mom wish I didn't have a blog.

I get annoyed with perfect children, marriages, homes, etc. I appreciate your blog for its authenticity. I enjoy reading it because you're real.

Melissa said...

I for one sincerely hope that you do not shut down your blog! I love reading it and just love your family. ;) Please keep going!

You are just beautiful inside and out.

xo,
Melissa

Debbie said...

Hi, I've never commented before but I just wanted to let you know I hope you continue to blog , I love reading your blog, you are so real and I can tell you speak from your heart. I'm not sure how I stumbled on your blog but I started reading when you were pregnant with Eli. You reminded me so much of my daughter, I'm always showing her or telling her about something on your blog. The mire j read I discovered you were married on the exact day and year as my daughter and she also just had her 1st child , a boy this summer. I've shared many of your favorite things for Eli with her. So I hope you continue to blog and don't go private.
Debbie

Sarah said...

I read your post at 4am when I was up with my newborn daughter (I am sure you miss those days!) and have been meaning to come on and comment all day! Honestly, I know just how you feel. I struggled with not having a (private from family) outlet anymore for a long time! I am one of those people that just has to write it out when I am feeling a strong emotion and not being able to do that without everyone knowing was rough. I made a separate blog as just a space for me to go if I really needed to out something out there and kept my regular blog as a source of family updates and everyday stories.

I love the way you blog. I would much rather read about your "boring" weekend (which is always more exciting than mine) then read something fake. There are a few bloggers who are trying to "make it big' in the mommy blogging world and it is SO obvious to their readers and comes across as not being genuine at all! It is actually quite annoying and makes me not want to read anymore. I love that you just tell stories about your life (which are hysterical) and updates about how Eli is doing.

I really hope you continue to blog, you have been one of my favorite blog writers for some time now and I would really miss reading your stories.

Melody said...

Dear Megan,

Just wanted to let you know that you have given me a piece of sanity by introducing me to the blogging world. I have taken your direction and have had a place to "dump" the victories and struggles of my life as they are happening right now - the good, the bad and the ugly.

You are a dear friend and I thank you for allowing me access to your world through your blog, and again showing me how to have an outlet and a living record of my family's life.

Thank you for being there to see (more often hear) my inner-most thoughts...

Laurel said...

Hi Megan, sorry I have never posted before, I came across your blog just a few weeks ago, and have really enjoyed reading it, I think you are hilarious and I think I am like you in a lot of ways! Similar age, personality traits, only child syndrome lol. I love reading your posts and hearing about your life. I am from Ireland by the way, not sure how many international readers you have but I am one anyway! I am getting married in April 2012 and think your wedding pictures are gorgeous! Anyway I just wanted to say thanks for the great blog and hope you dont stop writing as long as you continue to enjoy doing it.

Laurel

Ashley said...

I don't have any great words of wisdom :) But I LOVE reading your blog. I think you are real, honest, and best of all, genuinely hilarious! I TOTALLY relate to wanting to write about mundane parts of like, like weekends and such, but not wanting others to think I'm boring or think that I think they care. Especially with some of the harsh things some people say on Twitter, like "I hate reading weekend recaps" and other things that they hate reading. It makes you a little sensitive about it. But we started these blogs, most importantly, for ourselves, as a way to look back and remember times in our lives and what we were thinking. And I don't want to become a "mom blogger", but we ARE moms, and personally, my blog is the only place I write things about Cooper, and I find that it has actually been a GREAT place to store them and look back any time I want. As far as the family/IRL people reading....well, I've changed my blog 3 times because my parents were reading it, so clearly we know that I don't deal too well with that! Anyway, please don't stop blogging, and if you go private, I want to be the first person on the invite list!

Roomie said...

Hi Megan! I'm what you would call a "silent reader" because I don't really comment on anyone's blog (although I read many!) but I wanted to let you know that I love reading about the seemingly trivial happenings in your, Eli and Luke's lives. Thanks for continuing to write!

-Lauren said...

Noo! Don't leave us!! You had Eli a few months before I had my son and I remember reading your stories and telling myself to remember your words. And I did. I remembered feeling overwhelmed or exhausted and I thought of you and other new moms and knew I could get through it. You are genuine and so relate-able. Most recently I felt comfort when I had to go back to work..and i remembered how you talked about managing everything in life. I thought you did it, other moms do it, so can I. SO I guess I want to say thank you for helping me to cope from far away! xo

Shelley said...

It's like you took the words right out of my mouth! I've been feeling the exact same way.

LAURA@laurasblondemoments said...

Hey Megan :)

My name is Laura and I've read your blog for awhile now. Ive commented some, more before having my 2nd baby in sept but haven't had time so I'm back to just reading again (sorry). Anyways I love reading your blog and I totally know where you're coming from.

I had a different blog for two years but got strained after some friends and family read it because my inlaws actually used it against me and I felt vulnerable. I made it private but still realized some still had access. So I made the choice to shut it down and start a new blog. One where I could be myself and not filter what I said or thought. And I'm so glad I did because I can really journal my thoughts now. Id miss your funny stories and christian influence but totally understand girl!

Just wanted to let you know I loved your blog and get where you're coming from!

Laura
laurasblondemoments.blogspot.com