7/10/11

Never Say Never

Saturday I did something I swore I would never do.

You would think I would learn to never say never. The jeggings sitting in my closest are proof that I most certainly do things I say I wont.

Before I go into what I did that I never said I would do, I have to set up the night.

Saturday night Luke and I had a wedding to attend. It was the wedding of a close friend of his from high school. Normally we wouldn't take Eli with us but there were going to be a lot of people at the wedding who hadn't seen him yet so we decided to take him.

P.S. I always said I would NEVER take my baby to a wedding.

In the words of the Biebs; never say never.

At this point I could go into long detail about how it takes me several attempts to get dressed these days because I have these new HIPS that make my old clothes look different on me and I change my clothes a million times and I wear this sexy nursing bra that is thick and shows through everything.

Basically I'm feeling top notch these days.

But I won't get into all of that (more than I already have). This story is about what I did that I swore I wouldn't do.

Fast forward to the wedding; the ceremony was outside and was beautiful, it was hot but Eli is a fan of being outside so he was great during the ceremony. He just sat and stared at all the trees and didn't really make a peep while the vows were being said.





Then we headed into the reception around 8:00



AKA: Eli's fussy time.

Upon entering the reception I realized that Eli needed a diaper change so I headed for the bathroom. Sounds like a simple enough task, but no, it wasn't. As I was about to enter the bathroom I realized it was labeled Doe.

Pause. Why on earth do restaurants think it's cute to use any words other than MALE or FEMALE??? I can think of about five restaurants off the top of my head that do this. It is annoying.

I'm sure during another time of my life I could have easily identified what a doe was, but in this moment when my only concern was a quick diaper change before we had a blowout I had no idea what a doe was. Apparently it's a female deer. A buck is a male deer. WHO CARES. My child had a dirty diaper that needed changing and I needed a bathroom that said "female" asap.

Because of the fact that I normally don't care what other's think of me I loudly yelled to Luke across several tables: WHAT IS A DOE? IS THIS THE GIRLS BATHROOM?

People thought it was funny. They were laughing AT me. Not WITH me. Big difference.

Anyways (this is getting entirely too long) I got Eli's diaper changed and decided to make a mental note that a doe equals female. For a teeny tiny bit all was well in our world, and then Eli started melting down.





As each second of Eli melting down passed I started to lose my cool. I mean I was already reeling from the fact that I didn't know what a freaking doe was and people laughed at me and now I was the girl at a wedding with a crying baby.





And nobody wants to be that girl.

I usually don't get flustered when Eli is fussy but I was already uncomfortable in this setting so getting flustered was an easy goal to achieve.

At one point, my usual very helpful husband was off laughing with the guys oblivious to the Eli meltdown of 2011 and I was struggling with our melt downer who was currently SPAZZING. OUT. One man who had previously laughed AT me for not knowing what a doe was looked at me and pitifully said "um do you need some kind of help?"

Great. Not only were people laughing at me, now they had pity on me.

PERFECT.

All I needed at this point was for my sexy nursing bra to be hanging out of my dress while my child flailed in my arms as I tried to discreetly glide across the room and throw him at my husband while everybody stared at me.

Oh wait that did happen.

Luke gave Eli a bottle while I tried to regain my composure but even after eating Eli still was super grumpy and so was I. It was time to pack up this sleepy baby and head home.





At this point I had been wrestling my baby for several hours and I was exhausted. Yes, I realize I sound pathetic. I don't really care. Sometimes I fussy baby can take ALL of your energy.





As we were packing up our stuff to leave, we started to say bye to a group of people at a table and I noticed a cute, young, pregnant girl watching me with my baby. This is where my story goes downhill.





I looked at this cute, innocent, young girl and said:





AND I QUOTE:



"so are you ready for this?
(pointing to my crying baby) Your life is about to completely change"

UGH. I'm cringing right now thinking that I actually said that.



I still cannot believe I did that.

People would say that to me when I was pregnant and I hated it and thought it was the most annoying and rude thing ever.

AND I DID IT. I actually said it.

And not only did she hear, but a whole table of people heard.

I was mortified and I did it to myself.

Hey Megan, here is your mouth, why don't you go ahead and insert your foot for the millionth time?

Immediately I regretted saying it and talked about how it was also the best thing that could happen to your life. But it was already out there and there was nothing I could do about it. With those words I looked like a ragged mom who was exhausted and bitter and needed to learn how to cover up her ugly bra and figure out what a female deer is called.

After we left the wedding I bawled to Luke about those words I said. I felt like the worst mother in the world. It wasn't Eli's fault that he was tired and uncomfortable and was ready to be in his home in his bed. Yet with those words I made it seem like he was an inconvenience to me.

I wanted to go back in time and take back saying those words, but I can not do that.. So naturally, I contemplated Facebook messaging this girl (that I don't even really know) and apologizing.

Anybody remember when I Facebook messaged my nurse the I don't know?

Please. Somebody delete my account.

Eventually I dried up my tears and vowed that I learned my lesson and I would never do it again.

It's a day later and I still get sick to my stomach thinking that I did this.

I never want to come across as a mom who is grumpy and annoyed with her life. I'm so thankful to be a mom. I'm so thankful for that baby who was just tired and worn out from an already long weekend.

It was just a moment of weakness, beginning with a nursing bra that is not flattering to a restroom labeled doe all the way to being the girl at the wedding with the fussy baby.




I've beat myself up about it enough I'm petty sure I will will never utter those words again to an expecting mommy.




I'm also pretty sure I'm going to learn all possible forms of the words male and female. Just in case.....



24 comments:

Haley said...

Exhaustion and frustration can make us do (and say) strange things. My daughter was born Feb 23, and, since then, I have eaten a lot of words about what I would "never" do. For one, in desperation and extreme heat I have nursed in total public...something I thought I could never do. But, when your sweet baby is sweating bullets from having a blanket on their head to nurse, and you are sweating buckets from the agitation of it all....you really do not care if strangers see your breasts. That is just one example of a something I thought I would never do..before I had a baby. I won't even get into how many times I have snapped at my husband. I am pretty ashamed of that as well. We are all in the same boat! And we ALL know that you dearly love that sweet baby boy!

Shelley said...

Oh my gosh what a wreck of a night!! I know what you mean about nursing bra's, I just bought some and they really aren't the sexiest of things but it's alright! And don't worry too much about the doe thing. We all have those moments! As far as what you said to the pregnant girl? I'm sure she realized that you were at the end of your rope and I'm sure she knows you love him!!

Claire said...

Oh, what a day. You poor thing! I wouldn't worry too much about what you said, it sounds like you had an awful lot on your plate at that point, and I'm sure the girl understood that you weren't being harsh or unkind.

Cxx

Perfectly Imperfect said...

you poor soul :( Once a girl that was like five minutes pregnant, quipped to me how she was SO tired. This was in the first month of BG's life where all she did was scream and I got about five minutes of sleep at a time. Before I knew what I was saying, I snapped "you better sleep now, this is what you've got coming". I felt awful. And ungrateful. I'm sure she understood (even if both those girls probably rolled their eyes). But don't you worry, she'll understand soon enough!

Classy Fab Sarah said...

Oh girl, don't worry about it. We ALL have our moments of weakness, babies or not.... and after a long day of wrestling Eli and dressing up and being out and about when all you want to do is relax... you're totally allowed to slip up. It happens!

Carrie said...

Aw poor Megan. It's okay. All moms have bad days. You're a great Mom and Eli loves you so no worries.

Love Being A Nonny said...

Been there. Done that. Felt bad. Actually, felt horrible. Did it again. UGH!!!

You are NORMAL.....it's OK. She will find out soon enough that you can love your baby AND complain occasionally!

Kristin said...

Bless your heart!! There comes a point when you can only take so much of a baby's meltdown. You are completely normal!! Oh, and I can't stand those bathroom doors that aren't labeled correctly! Whoever thought it was clever was SO wrong!!!

Betsy said...

Awwww....it's okay Megan. She might think you're rude right now, but she will remember what you said one day and it will all make perfect sense! All moms can relate to a night like that. I love how you keep it real! :)

Courtney said...

This post cracks me up. I love how honest and real you are when it comes to new motherhood.

Waiting for Bulgaria said...

Every mother has done it. In a moment of frustration we can't think straight and say something like that. And the truth is it's okay. You love your child with all your heart. You would never do anything to harm him. But darnit being a mother is hard, and sometimes, dare I say it, inconvenient. No mother in the world could fault you for what you did and said. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Mindy said...

I'm sorry your night was so stressful! Just reading about it makes me stressed out, I would have probably started crying out of frustration at the wedding in front of everyone. (My body's reaction to overwhelming stress/frustration is to start crying, ugh it's ridiculous.)

As soon as I read the doe thing though I couldn't help but sing the Sound of Music song in my head "Doe, a deer, a female deer..." LOL

Jason and Jenny said...

i loved this post! i laughed out loud reading the entire thing, could have been me! Easily!
I bet you the girl isn't even thinking about what you said and it seemed way worse to you than it did to her!
You write great blog posts and I enjoy reading, even if i don't know you personally! our boys are a month apart and i love reading about what my son will be doing by what Eli is doing!

Greta said...

Been.there.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. As you're finding out, everyone ends up doing and saying things they say they never would. That girl will probably end up doing the same thing and she will think back to that wedding reception where the girl with the sexy nursing bra made a flustered exclamation and it will all make sense to her and she will feel like you're a kindred spirit.

It is so very obvious how much you love Eli. You seem like an awesome mom and while the "mommy guilt" probably will never go away (we always find stuff to beat ourselves up about), that's probably b/c we want to do such a good job.

Also, this had made me laugh out loud.

Alex and Jill said...

Bless your heart. I hate those moments of sweating uncontrollably, crying baby in hand, trying to stay cool, husband no where to be found. (LOL) I guarantee there's not a mother on the planet that if she hasn't said these things out loud - she's thought them.

You're a wonderful Mama and you make me laugh!!

Melissa said...

Poor thing! We all have our moments like that! You're a great mom and so hilarious! You make me laugh!!

Mareike said...

... even if you will say things like that again, you are not a failure, you are human. And I bet you are a great mother!

Greetings from Germany

According to Ashley said...

Girlfriend, you crack me up. I love love love your honesty. And yes, I DO remember the "facebooking the nurse" incident. It was a classic.

Lena Medina said...

Thanks for being so refreshingly honest on your blog! Remember, no one is perfect...we all make mistakes. Your baby is adorable and you are an amazing mom!

Happiness Is... said...

Don't beat yourself up. I think you were only human in that moment, which is a side that most people try way too hard to cover up. A lot of people go through life acting like marriage is easy and perfect, having kids is wonderful 100% of the time, etc. We're all human and have our moments. And, no marriage or child is perfect. It's just like you don't know how hard marriage CAN be until you are married. Even if you are thankful beyond belief for your baby, it is hard and tiring. We've all been there. At the end of the day, a lot of people appreciate women that can be "real," and in that moment, you were. So don't stress too much!

Stolen by Mullen said...

haha - I do not think ANYTHING is wrong with saying that. I joke about how stressful life is with a toddler and wouldn't take any of the stress away for a moment. Children are huge bouncing balls of stress but they are OH so worth it!

Anonymous said...

You are sooooo funny and so real and I just love reading your blog. I am the mom of 4 kids -ranging from age 4 to 17. I can't tell you how many times I said "I will never" and then did. Being a mom is so hard and there are so many moments I have handled poorly. So many times I wish I could rewind and do things differently. But you know what-we are all trying to do our best. I've learned not to judge other mothers.And that prego girl at the wedding will find out soon enough.
Sorry this is so long but I have wanted to comment for awhile and never have. I loved your post about how hard it was to adjust after having your little boy. Honestly I could have wrote that word for word 17 years ago after having my first. I think you are doing a super job And as I said before I just love how you keep it real!!!!
Andie

Brenda said...

Take it from a mom who's kids haven't been babies in decades; that girl understands and if she doesn't she will eventually ;)
It's really ok Megan. Perfect does not exist. You are a good Mom.

Charbelle said...

Jimmy Choos and Tennis Shoes featured you today, which led me to your blog.
Your honest, and moments like this are going to happen. As for the nursing bra, have you looked at Zulily.com? They have nursing bras that are supposed to not be quite so nursing bra-esque... I don't know I have no experience whatsoever but I thought I would share since that does sound miserable.

Love the few posts that I've read, looking forward to following along!!