5/29/11

Going Back

I knew it would happen. I knew that that the days would fly by and a date that seemed SO far away would arrive here in a flash.

After 12 weeks at home, on June 6th my maternity leave ends and I will return to work. Leaving my baby boy, for more than 3 hours for the very first time.

I've always known that I wanted to stay home with my kids when I had them. And then almost a year ago I got pregnant and reality hit.

Reality included a job that I loved and wasn't sure I was ready to leave, a working environment that I enjoy, and people that I am blessed to work with. I realized that these things aren't always easy to come by and I would get nervous thinking about leaving such good circumstances.

Also, reality included those pesky little annoyances called budgets and bills. The worst kind of reality.

Throughout my whole pregnancy I struggled with the decision of what to do once Eli got here. Staying home with my baby was always at the forefront of my heart, but right behind that were so many questions to consider and beyond the questions was the fact that we are at a season of our lives where living on one salary just did not seem like an option.

Knowing that going back to work full time would be so hard for me, Luke and I began to pray for a part time job for me. It seemed like it would be the best option for our family at this time.

And I am happy to say that I was able to move to a part time job at the university I work at, working 20 hours a week.

I am SO thankful to have a good job to return to, and SO thankful that it worked out for me to go part time, however it is going to be SO hard for me to leave Eli.

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing I have ever done. My heart aches every single time I think about not being with my baby boy all day long.

But in the middle of the heartache I also have peace. I know that Eli will be ok. And I will be ok. I know that this is best for our family right now and that I am blessed to be able to work part time, and thankful that it all worked out. From me being given the option of a part time job all the way to finding part time childcare, the Lord provided.

I always imagined that I would be staying home full time when I had my first child, but I know life doesn't always happen how we imagine or how we think it should.

And while it is sometimes hard, I'm glad I'm not the one that is in control of my life. Luke and I have always prayed that God would guide our steps and lead us in the direction that is best for us, opening doors that need to be opened and closing those that need to be closed.

He has always been faithful and this time is no exception.

Monday we begin a new season in our lives, and while it will take a bit of adjusting at first, including lots of tears from me, I am filled with peace, and for that I am thankful.




17 comments:

Just the 3 of Us said...

I am so glad you were able to find a part time job and part time childcare. It will make your time in the evenings all the more special with your sweet boy. Good luck...you both will do amazing.

Sweet Simplicity said...

I love those pictures! So cute!

Heather said...

Hi, I've been anonymously reading your blog for a while now...just wanted to say I went back to work FT when my little one was 2 months old and it was so hard. I cried every time I left the house. But now its a year later and it has been good for all of us. The baby did great, I eventually stopped crying :), and wow, it is so awesome to come home and see her little face light up when she sees me. Try not to worry (yeah, right) and don't be too hard on yourself. Your little boy is safe, happy and loved. Best of luck to you both!

Cindy said...

That's wonderful that you were able to find a part time job! Sounds like a great solution. Best of luck to you!

Jessica said...

That's so great! My husband and I also prayed for a part time job when my maternity leave was almost over and the Lord provided. Of course.

It was so hard to leave our little girl but it got easier. I'm never going to be ok with not being home with her all the time but that's just not the plans the Lord has for us right now.

I am so grateful to be able to stay at home part-time and grateful for a husband that works his booty off for us!

Have fun!

Classy Fab Sarah said...

So glad that you are getting to go back part time. I can't imagine how rough it's going to be at first but I promise it'll be better once you settle into a new routine.

Hang in there!! Thinking about you guys!

Elizabeth said...

I'm gonna be praying for you, Mama Tree. :) I know how hard that decision is, but God's grace will ensure (insure?) everything and everything works out exactly as He has planned.

Waiting for Bulgaria said...

I so understand your feelings. I really had no choice but to work. And I'm not saying this to make my husband sound bad because he is an amazing husband and father, but my husband had to put his foot down and make that clear to me. I teach school, so in many ways I get the best of both worlds. And in the end it really turned out to be the very best choice for our family.

The Pink Owl said...

I have loved following your journery into mommy-hood. You are so honest and real about it all, and that in itself is refreshing. So glad you can go back part time! Sending good thoughts that it's all a smooth transition for you and the baby!!

Kristen said...

It's wonderful that you were able to find a part time job! I hope that the transition is not overwhelming, and that you love the new position!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I am overjoyed for you that you found a part time position to return to! I know each person is different, but when I returned part time, I kind of loved it. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be with the little, but it's almost like the best of both worlds. You get to get out and have "adult" conversation and such, but you still get most of your time with your little one. I hope this brings you peace in the coming days. Praying for you sweet friend. The first day is the roughest, but I promise it gets better :)

Carrie said...

Eli is too cute. I've completely forgot what else you posted about.... ;)

Lauren said...

You will do great! It is so hard leaving them but part time is a great option and will be a good balance. I work for a state college and when I had my baby, we did the same thing. There are some days that getting up and going in is just so overwhelming and there are other days that I really enjoy it! Good luck to you and the transition back!

Ashley said...

Oh my goodness, that little face! I love his little pursed lips in the last pic :) Going back to work is so hard. I don't have to tell you that. But, it does get better. It becomes your new normal, even if it isn't your ideal. I never thought I'd work when I had children, but like you, we can't be single income right now. Of course, I still have days where I miss Cooper like CRAZY, and tear up thinking about him, but I do still feel like working is the right decision for me. I'm SO glad that you were able to go part time and find childcare that you feel comfortable with. I'll sure be thinking of you next week!

Lauren said...

Those pictures are perfect! I'll definitely be thinking about you...I'm in the same boat as you and would love to stay home, I'm just not sure it's the best financial decision. I've got a lot of praying to do in the next few months!

Sonya said...

Sounds great! Enjoy your last week at home!

petrii said...

Megan,
Eli is SO cute!!! You hang in there girl.....

Have a Blessed evening,
Dawn