3/24/11

A Growing Love

I'm a different person from the person I was two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I had preconceived notions as to what it was like to be a mother.

From the second they would place that baby on me, to our daily routine at home I had ideas of what it would be like.

And I was completely wrong.

The love I felt when Eli was first placed on me was completely different than I expected it to be.

I fell in love with the baby growing inside of me from the moment I found out I was pregnant. And as the pregnancy continued I fell in love a little bit more with each day.

When we found out the gender I fell in love with my son a little more, picturing what he would look like.

With each movement I fell in love a little more with that sweet baby.

As I learned his routines in the womb my love grew. My heart would swell with each hiccup I would feel.

And every night around 10:00 when he would start his baby aerobics it would always bring a smile to my face, picturing that sweet baby in there moving all around.

I thought I was prepared, I thought I knew the love that I would feel, and then he was placed on me for the first time and it was different.

Just as it was while he was growing inside of me, my love grows for him everyday.

With every new facial expression, and each day as he grows more alert my love grows more and more.

Not that I didn't love him the moment the sat him on me, but I had no idea how much that love would grow every single day.

And it's only been two weeks.

I can't imagine how much more my love will grow. It us unfathomable to me.

I'm still in the early stages of my maternity leave but I had pictured it differently. I expected to finish a number of books, catch up on old TV shows, take care of things around the house that have needed attention for awhile, but as it turns out all of those things have been put on hold.

All I want to do is hold my baby.

When I am holding him time stands still. Earlier I was rocking him and thinking of the laundry that needed to be folded, the bathroom that needed to be cleaned and all of life's other tasks but it was as if I was frozen. I couldn't move from that glider. I just sat there, taking in my son.

His tiny fingers, his itty bitty toes, the way he curls in his bottom lip, his skinny chicken legs. All of those details were much more important than any household chore. Those can wait.

I'm learning to enjoy every moment. Each sleepless night (because they ARE sleepless), every frustrating feeding, the days when I've been peed on, pooped on, spit up on, and still never got around to taking a shower, and all the in between moments. I know they will pass so I'm not taking one moment for-granted.

Like I said I am different, I had no idea I would go through some "baby blues" as my hormones went crazy and the love that I have felt has been different, one that grows everyday.

These are all details I will elaborate on later, I want to share the details so I will remember them, and I think its important to share.

But for now I'm holding Eli and just taking in this season of life. They all pass too quickly.

28 comments:

PrettyinPink said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany said...

So sweet!! You make me so excited to have a baby one day! I'm thrilled for you and your new bundle of joy!

Lauren said...

This post was just so so sweet, Megan!!! Pass the tissues please, haha!! :)

Anonymous said...

I just read your previous post and found out that u and your baby share the same birthdays as me and my mum. I'm on the 15th and she's on the 8th. I love reading oyur blog. All the best with the little one. MORE PHOTOS PLEASE!!!

Kayla said...

This post is really special. I love that you captured all these thoughts right now and will get to look back and remember what you were going through at this moment. Congrats on your little one and keep enjoying every minute!

Erica said...

This is such a sweet post. And very well written for a a new, sleep deprived mother, I must say!

I keep thinking the same thing about my (14-month-old) daugther. I KNOW I loved her completely the second the laid her on me, but now, I swear I love her more everyday too. Is that even possible? What will it be like when they're grown up? How much more love can we have for our children? It's an amazing, and very God-filled, thing that's for sure.

Ashley said...

Beautifully said! I have had the same feeling and thought a million times since I had my 9 month old, but could never have put it into words as well as you have. Every single day I think I can't possibly love him any more, and then the next day, I do! It's amazing! :)

Katie~Loves Of Life said...

Whenever any of my friends are ready to have a baby, I say, "are you ready for your heart to enlarge in a way you NEVER knew possible". Because, HELLO heart explosion! Its amazing. My daughter is 10.5 months now and my love grows more and more and I didnt even THINK that was possible.

{K} said...

Such a beautiful post! I feel the same way about my little ones. That little newborn stage doesn't last long.

Kiersten said...

What a beautiful post! I'm not a mom yet, but I love hearing such an honest, touching perspective on new motherhood. Forget about the household chores and just enjoy that baby!

Love Being A Nonny said...

Can you imagine how much your own mother loves you? You are correct, the love grows and gets stronger and stronger. Imagine how much our heavenly father loves us. So glad you are loving motherhood. Great post...the love of a mother's heart!

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Awe, I can not wait to have my baby! I am so excited for you guys!

-Lauren said...

I love that you wrote that out to document it. So sweet. I cannot wait to feel that kind of love. Thanks for sharing. xo

Classy Fab Sarah said...

So so sweet. Soak up all his sweet babyness! He's precious.

petrii said...

Oh my dear girl,
You are going to experience SO many things as a mom. Take in every scent of every season. They each have their own beauty.

My baby is a Senior. WOW how did that happen?

I am so happy that you are enjoying this season. You are so right, laudry can wait =)

Have a Blessed evening,
Dawn

Brett Alexandra said...

Don't know if you remember me! I took a long break from my blog. I only have my photography one now (brettalexandrablog.com). Every now and then I check up on my blogger buddies:) Just wanted congratulate you and let you know that you and I were two weeks apart! I was due March 4th. It seemed like we had similar deliveries as well:) I had my little guy at 38 weeks and was in labor for 4 hours - pushed for 30 just like you! Eli is just precious:) Congrats again to you and your beautiful family!

Taylor said...

So sweet!! It is a crazy and different kind of love! Enjoy that sweet little man! And you're right...all the other stuff will still be there when you get ready!

Becca said...

Such a beautiful, sweet post - you are an amazing mom! :-)

Julie said...

There are certain moments that time stands still for me as a mother. I spend a lot of time frustrated at laundry, the house, disobedient kids etc...but every once in a while my kids will be doing something so cute and so simple,

Like the other day I was standing in my kitchen doing dishes I looked out and saw Evie on the swing, so happy, sunlight bouncing on her blond hair as she swung back and forth. Time stood still for me that moment and I let that moment completely wash over me, because they ARE little for such a short time. Hold onto those moments.

Kristin said...

A friend shared this poem with me when I was pregnant. I still think of it when my 6 month old wants to cuddle...


"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep."

Lauren said...

love this post...and your love for him will only continue to grow! you are a great mommy and i cant wait to see more pictures of Eli!

Alex and Jill said...

Oh I just loved this post. Brought back memories of holding Amelia for the first time nad bringing Amelia home from the hospital. You're right, your love continues to grow and though it gets a little harder to put aside everything and just take in the moment - I do that as much as I possibly can. Seems like just yesterday that I was bringing her home.

And now I'm crying.

Since you mentioned the baby blues upon arriving home, I have been thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. I hope you are doing well.

((HUGS))

Whitney said...

This post perfectly describes the first few weeks of motherhood. I love it. You're doing an awesome job, Megan!

Kristen said...

What a sweet, sweet post. Makes me really look forward to having a little one of my own!

Heather said...

So very true. Praying for you these first few weeks. You are so right in everything you said. You are already a fantastic mother...and I am so, so happy for you. Can't wait to see more and hear more about sweet Eli.

jen mccrady said...

this is so cool. i can't wait!

d.a.r. said...

This is so sweet. You are a wonderful mama!!

Lulu said...

This is absolutely beautiful! You make me look very forward to having a little of my own one day! As always, thanks for sharing your experiences on here, such a delight for me to follow along!