Right now, the Tree's are definitely in the middle of a season of remix. Our families are fine and healthy, baby Tree is snuggled in my tummy doing well, but there are other small issues going on that are mixing things up a bit.
I am a planner by nature. I have always wanted every detail of my life planned. I will lay around at night and try to plan certain scenarios of my life.
Scenarios that may never happen, yet by golly I have a plan.
Before I got married, before I was even engaged I had my wedding planned to a T. What song I would walk down the aisle to, what colors I would use, how my groom would look when I walked down the aisle (I didn't want tears but I wanted a look of pure elation), what song would play during the sideshow. It was a wedding in a box waiting to be put into action.
Then the planning day came....and I did not use one aspect from my already planned wedding.
Time changed thing, circumstances were different. The plan that once seemed perfect no longer fit my situation or where I was in life.
Life cannot be planned.
Last night around 4am I was laying awake in my bed, just staring at the ceiling. In my mind I asked God, "what do you what me to learn right now" and a response came clear as day.
It wasn't a huge long answer, it wasn't something that solved every problem or even answered all of my other questions, but it was an answer.
I need to learn to trust.
I have never been a person to say that I hear God's voice audibly. In fact many times I am jealous of people who say that they can hear him audibly. I don't get it. I often question what is from God. How do you tell the difference between your own thoughts and what is from God? Can God use our own thoughts to speak to us or does it have to be his own voice?? I spend so much time questioning.
It all gets so confusing to me. In fact, in a bit of frustration the other day I told Luke I wish there was just some kind of instruction manual from God to help us figure all of this out.
He just stared at me.
Oh yeah, the bible.I had truly forgot in that moment.
You see I get so caught up in the questioning and planning of everything that I forget the simplicity of God.
His answers don't have to be these big complex answers, it doesn't have to be this voice that splits the sky and echos through my house and knocks me from my feet. I don't have to sit for hours questioning every thought thinking "is this God"? "is this what we are supposed to do?"
He is simple.
He loves us.
He wants to teach us.
He wants us to trust Him.
I don't need to flip through His "instruction manual" looking for life's answers. Trying to put together X, Y, and Z to see if it equals the answer I'm looking for.
Instead I can spend time in that instruction manual learning more about Him, growing closer to Him, and through that, life's answers will come.
Life is not simple. Hard times come, confusion comes, we go through peaks and valley's, but our God is simple.
So when I want to spend time trying to find an answer to every question and make a plan for the next step I will remember to trust.
And really I am typing all of this out to serve as a reminder for myself. Because my human nature and stubborn mind will take over and I will begin to make my own plans. And maybe even say "hey God, I've got it planned this way and it looks pretty good, pretty please put this into action, thanks love ya"
But peace does not come from me making my own plans for life, or by telling God what I think he should do.
There is nowhere I would rather be then right in the middle of God's peace.
Peace comes from trust. Simple.