I consider myself a big crier. I cry at the most random things and pretty much once a day.
That may seem weird but I consider it healthy.
However there is one problem with my crying. I cry at the weirdest and most random things, not the "normal" things that most people would and do cry at.
After waiting for 5 looooooooooong years, Luke finally poped the question to me in such a romantic way that just fit us. It was so sweet and I will never forget the amazing words he said to me that night.
But did I cry? Nope. Not a tear.
However during the movie New Moon (Twilight series) when Bella leaves poor sweet adorable little Jacob to go find that nasty savage beast of a vampire I find myself crying tears of angst.
Our wedding day was one of the most beautiful days. After a short and stressful 4 month engagement the day turned out perfectly and could not have been more God-ordained. I tried my best to squeeze out some tears of joy from my eyes.
Did I cry? Nope. Not a drop. Not a drip drop of tears on my wedding day that I looked forward to my entire life.
However, sometimes I will go on photographer's blogs and look at random pictures of people I don't even know who are getting married, or having a baby and I will bawl my eyes out.
Last night I had a dream about my baby. I was in the delivery room about to deliver and when I saw my baby everybody in the room turned to me waiting for me to shed tears of joy over the delivery of my new sweet baby. (by the way everytime I dream about my baby it is the same gender). But I didn't shed a tear, and everybody in the room was shocked that a new mom could deliver a baby and not cry.
And then I woke up and almost cried.
Now I have a phobia that I'm not going to cry when my baby is born and people are going to think I'm weird(er).
I have had a couple of friends who made a big deal that I didn't cry on my wedding day and how weird that is, So clearly, THE PRESSURE IS ON.
This isn't my first phobia since getting pregnant. My first phobia began a couple of weeks ago when I suddenly had a fear that my baby was only going to look like Luke (if ya know what I mean) and I would feel no connection to this hairy baby at all.
But, no worries, this phobia has since passed and I chalked it up to nothing more or less than typical "first-time-mommy-worries"
And really I think Luke is so cute I want our baby to look like him, minus the mounds of hair, so that phobia is gone.
So now I have to deal with this phobia of not crying at the "normal" things in life. Like the birth of my child.
And this too shall pass.