6/15/10

Bitterness

As we all know I'm obsessed with Webmd and googling certain "sick symptoms" that I feel.

If my right pinky toe is tingling I will look it up on Webmd and before you know it I have diagnosed myself with some sort of disease only found in a third world country and my leg will need to be amputated.

Its a sickness. Also known as hypochondria, which I have also looked up on Webmd. And would you believe that I fit the profile for a hypochondriac? I mean it was scary how much the symptoms matched my personality. Freaky.

Lately I have tried to stop looking everything up on Webmd. Let's face it, its not as reliable as I once thought it was. I wonder how many irritated Dr.'s there are across America because 88% of their patients come to them with their diagnosis in hand, positive that they already know what is wrong with them?

I made up that 88% number but it sounds legit to me.

Recently I was thinking about my current state of mind, you see I haven't been blogging lately, but thats not the only syptom that just doesn't seem right. There are several areas in my life where I'm just not myself lately.

I won't go into all of the ways I have not been myself, because really, who wants to hear about how I have been irritable, or how I will worry myself to the point of real life tears, or so on and so on.

None of those things would be flattering, and who wants to show themselves in a non-flattering light?

Not me.

Except for when I post pictuers of myself in my pajmas for the whole world to see.

Which is just scary.

But not as scary as the nasty bitterness that I have been battling lately. I was thinking about this word one nigh and decided to google it.

As a Christian I know that bitterness cuts me off from the Lord. When I allow bitterness to flood my heart, I am in essence cutting off a close connection with the Lord.

When I googled bitterness I found several key definitions. One definition stated that bitterness can cause a loss of emotional stability, peace, and joy.

Bingo.

Which made me think; how many times do I turn to the Internet, or Webmd, or the world in general, to tell me whats wrong, when really I should be turning to the bible?

I so often will feel something and will chalk it up to a physical symptom, when sometimes, my heart is simply crying out to be renewed.

I feel like lately I have been living in a fog of bitterness. It started a couple of months ago and I have let it escalate much farther than it should have gone.

So now I need to cleanse myself and get back on track, and get rid of this nasty bitterness.

I feel like I am always battling bitterness, it seems like I would learn to nip this thing in the bud.

Maybe one day.

I know this isn't the best post after not blogging for a week or so, but this is what is on my heart right now. And I think the plague of bitterness on my heart has had something to do with the lack of blog posts.

But that is one thing I love about having a blog, I can record all the way that God is speaking to me.

And also record what happens when I cut off conneciton with him.

BITTERNESS.

Sick.

So thats all I have for now. I will return with my pointless random posts soon.

I feel like I still have so many pointless random things to blog about. Like the fact that I hate pencils. It makes me shudder to think about using a pencil. They are sick. We can talk about this later. I wonder if there is a fear of pencils in Webmd?

23 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

This is actually a very insightful, deep blog post...

wow...good stuff!

Right now, I'm going through stuff where I'm not myself either & this just really got me... YOU were my WEBMD today! :)

Lauren Kelly said...

Megan, this is exactly what I love about you. You are just real. And if this is where you're at right now, then so be it and you should be able to share on your blog. We all go through this season unfortunately and pray God will renew your spirit!!

Jenny Lynn said...

I definitely understand this.
Thank you for being real. I love that you post random things but then you also post what's on your heart. It's awesome to know that you are real. And that you're willing to share your heart with all of us.

Shannon said...

Thank you for this post. I'm actually battling the whole bitterness thing now. Actually, I've been battling the bitterness thing off and on for over a year. Yikes, I hate admitting that. It sucks and it's a hard thing to get over - when it's in regards to something very personal and the action was done by someone very close to you. Now... I'm rambling.

amy (metz) walker said...

Great post! I wanna be your good girlfriend for the day and just sit and chat for hours! ;)

Cole said...

Wow so good. And I'm totally one of those people who goes to the dr knowing exactly my diagnosis before the doctor says anything.

Ari said...

Glad your back! I share in your current state of bitterness and need to return more fully to God. And may I request a house update?

Steph @ Flip Flop Chic said...

Love this post! I have been going through some soul searching myself lately.

Belle said...

Great post! I think I may be dealing with a little bit of the same thing- I have definitely been turning to everything else but the Lord to resovle my problems instead of laying them on him. I love your honesty!

Classy Fab Sarah said...

I hate this but I love it. I hate it because it sucks but I love it because I feel it too. Life is just hard sometimes. Hugs!

Ams said...

What if you had to use a pencil for a multiple choice fill in the bubble kind of test... can you do that?
I hate pencils too!!
Webmd is just scary isn't it!? lol... I self diagnose all the time and S gets so mad. He says I am the exact kind of patient he doesn't want to see in his office! WHATEVER!!! I love Webmd...
*Hugs* - that just a huge for the craziness. I get a case of it at least two or three times a day!

Heather said...

I love this and I have been in a funk lately too. Mine is about fear and anxiety and I will blog about it soon....if I can manage to conquer the fear and be brave enough! ha! I do the same thing with webmd by the way!!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Sometimes life brings us down so that we can be reminded of Who we need to be running to. Great post Megan, hope things pick up for you soon!

Brittany said...

Everyone goes through times like this. It's just how you get out of them that is important. Luckily you have said that you need to turn to the bible, that's a great step in the right direction! Best wishes :)

Rachel said...

Oh sweet friend...you are not alone in this struggle. I find myself so bitter and angry over the silliest of things all the time. With my family, with kids at school, with coworkers, with my husband...it's a constant struggle and it really does make me sick. You put it all so well and pointing out that allowing bitterness into our lives only keeps us further from Him. I loved that you posted this.

I wish when we were having days like this we could just go grab a cup of coffee and pray for one another and talk...I suppose blogs will have to do for now!

Alex and Jill said...

Praying for you, sweet girl!

A Southern Accent said...

Wonderful post - you are so right. I need to remind myself constantly to go back to God instead of looking for answers in other places. Here's to brighter days through the glory of God!

Kristin said...

I hate pencils too!! I refuse unless im taking some kind of mandated test!! hang in there girl

Anonymous said...

茜茜知道他有了外遇
他變得春風滿面,嘴裡總是哼著歌曲
他開始變得有耐心聽她說話、會買禮物給她、甚至帶她出遊
茜茜知道這是因為他對外遇有愧疚
她沒有揭穿丈夫的外遇,甚至享受這樣的生活
茜茜偷偷的跟姐妹滔說:感謝老公的外遇帶來更美好的夫妻生活!

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

hey sweet friend. sorry i've been MIA. i miss you! i love you just the way you are-- even if you are bitter. but i really really miss you. like i might start crying miss you. :(

i'm praying for you and that your heart will soften again. i love you very much and wish you were closer!

Samantha said...

this was a good post megan. I felt like this hit home for me too. thank you for being honest and real.

Lindsay said...

I just found your blog... loving it! This post was so real and really appreciated! I am glad to see a fellow believer moving towards a bitterness free life! Hard to do sometimes... but worth it in the end!

Lindsay@ A Design Story

prashant said...

This is actually a very insightful,I'm totally one of those people who goes to the dr knowing exactly my diagnosis before the doctor says anything.
Banner Advertising Network India