5/5/10

Who I Am

Tonight I was looking back through un-posted posts on my blog. I wrote this particular last September and for some reason I never posted it. This was before I read So Long Insecurity but from this post I can see God was preparing me for that book. Becoming secure in who I am in Him is a journey in life but one that is attainable.

So many times I beat myself up for who I am.

There is a verse in Psalms about "turning off the flow" and sometimes I'm pretty sure that it has my name written in front of it

I am louder than most, and more times than I care to admit I will think before speaking.

Which most times cause the whole 'foot in the mouth' situation.

Tonight I was going through our guest room closet desperately searching for an old journal when I came across two photo albums full of pictures from my college years.

So of course, I had to stop what I was doing and open the album to view the contents inside.

I moved to my college town not knowing a single person or what I was getting myself into. I went to my university on a "whim" and I have been thankful that I went there every since.

I have mentioned this before, but I truly became who I am today through the experiences I had in college. I am me because of those four years.

I grew closer to God during that time.

I learned what it was like to be apart of a church community on my own.

I found my true love.

I lost my true love.

I got him back and kept him this time.

I made some amazing friends.

I lost some friends.

I found friendship in the most unexpected people. Friendships that are still alive today.

I learned how to work through emotions of bitterness and forgiveness, and in fact I am still working on learning that one.

I learned that people will fail you, even those that know your heart and soul, they will fail you.

I learned that you can't study for a test at 4:00am and expect to make a good grade.

I learned the same thing applies to writing a 10 page essay.

I found out community restrooms really gross me out.

I found out that I am me.

I found out that I don't like fake people.

I learned how to be the real me and to stick to it.

I learned to give people a second chance.

I realized that manual labor is not my friend.

I learned this while my church was renovating our new building and I still get made fun of for my lack of help and instead excessive amounts of whining.

I found that when I am away from my family my "first born characteristics" tend to come our very strongly.

I was called bossy for the first time during these years.

I learned that sometimes bossy is a negative word for leader.

So many times I beat myself up over things I say or things I do.

I am a little louder than most, and sometimes I say things that I don't think twice about saying.

But I am a work in progress. God is growing me and teaching me.

So I looked at the pictures and then closed the album and put it back in the closet, and realized something.

I realized it was ok to let the memories flood back. To let the emotions of joy, sadness, anger, happiness, and forgiveness enter my heart.

They made me who I am, and I am still learning, still learning that it is ok to be me.

It took four years and a whole lot of money to figure that out.

Money well spent in my opinion!

18 comments:

Whitney said...

Some people just know who they are. Some people take 4 years and a whole lot of money. Some people don't discover their true selves until they are 60. Some people never discover who they are. I'm glad you did. I like this post!

Classy Fab Sarah said...

Money well spent for sure!

(And I'm right there with you on being called bossy - but I look at it differently. Some people just don't have the balls to speak the heck up and get organized!)

Lemonade Girl said...

Thanks for sharing! It takes a strong person to know who they are! Fabulous!

LuLu Lake said...

I really liked this post. It was so honest and real.
YOU are an amazing person!

Love Being a Nonny said...

Does it help that I am 53 and still learning? Great post!

PinkSass said...

I love this post. You are wonderful.

Rachel said...

Excellent post. I love seeing things in retrospect and looking back and realizing how He's been molding our hearts for what is to come. Incredible.

And for the record, this rings so true to me. I can't imagine who I'd be without my four years at my college. It certainly helped shape me into the woman I am today!

Sweet Simplicity said...

This post definitely describes me. College shaped who I am today. I can't believe you never posted this. It is a really good one.

California Wife said...

What a great post! I love how you said, "I learned that sometimes bossy is a negative word for leader". That is so true, but I've never thought of it that way before. That little quote speaks to me perfectly!

Lauren Kelly said...

Seriously loved this post, Megan!!! Glad you decided to publish it!!!! :)

Lindsey said...

Excellent post!!!

Virginia Belle said...

Great post! It's amazing how 4 short years of college truly shapes you as a person. I know that's the case for me. I learned so much about myself. Thanks for being so honest!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

great post! i have to agree that college pretty much shaped me as a person. i also ended up at a school that i went to on a whim, and it became hands down the best decision i ever made. once i was on my own, i figured out who i was quickly and i quit putting on the airs i did in high school. finally.

i'm glad you posted this.

Jessica McLeod said...

Sometimes I'm almost certain we're twins.

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

Wow, that's great. Thanks for posting!

I know that college shapes a good many of us, and that's why most parents insist on us going. Although the classroom learning is good, the person learning is even better.

And btw, I was told I was "bossy" in kindergarten. Hasn't phased me a bit!

Lauren said...

Love this post! It's so real & honest!

smcvicker said...

Love this post!

sanjeet said...

Thanks for sharing! It takes a strong person to know who they are! Fabulous!
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