4/25/10

A Debriefing

This past weekend was the Beth Moore conference in Atlanta combined with an awesome bloggy get together.

And an awesome time it was, but a recap of the trip will have to wait, because my Sunday coming home was incredibly interesting and God was totally speaking to me in the middle of the airport.

So backup story.

I had a flight at 1:40, got to the airport a little early, changed my flight to a 10:40 flight, missed that flight, a not-so-friendly-Delta worker told me there were absolutely no seats left going to OK the rest of the day, INSERT PANIC ATTACK, I was put on "standby" all day and hung around the airport hoping to get on a plane.

So here we go with what God was teaching me today:

My own personality is one of my biggest insecurities, and after reading So Long Insecurity it has made this insecurity stick out like a sore thumb in my life. In fact there was a time while reading the book that I wanted to slam it shut, chunk it across the room and say I refuse to read this Godly/biblical truth. I am better off living in denial.

However, I do desire to grow in my walk with God so I trudged forward, reading and looking forward to the conference weekend.

Never in a million years could I have predicted that this weekend would bring out some of my biggest insecurities.

It is safe to say that satan knew why I was at this event and tried his darndest to get me down. And sad to say I caved at some points. Which I always do, but luckily I always recognize it and sometimes can correct it.

It is ironic that I was in ATL for an insecurity conference and there were moments when I questioned everything about myself. There were moments when I didn't think I could receive the work that Beth was delivering because I was so convinced that if she was to meet me, she would not like my personality, therefore I was not worthy of receiving a message she was delivering (even though I know the message is from God, through Beth).

Writing all of that out, I know it sounds ridiculous and I know it is a lie, but in the moment it is a battle that is hard to fight. And honestly, I can't believe I am sharing these thoughts, but thats another thing about my personality that I don't like. I am an over-sharer and I can't be fake.

Because of my own issues with my insecurity with my personality I left the weekend beat down, frustrated, and trying to process the message from Saturday. I couldn't wait to get home and had called Luke that morning in tears telling him that I was just so ready to be home and I was going to try and get an earlier flight so that I could get home ASAP (HA).

And then something funny happened. I got STRANDED at an airport in a strange land. The girl who was literally crying to get home and had never wanted to get home SO badly and attempted to get home earlier, ended up stranded there for hours indefinitely.

At one point I thought I would never go home again.

I sat down had a LONG HARD cry, communicated through text with some bloggy friends who were local and would come pick me up if I needed it, threw myself the biggest pity party known to man, had a talk with God and let him know I was frustrated with him, and then got up and proceeded forward.

I could sit there and cry, which is what I wanted to do, or move on with my life. Always two options.

As the day continued on I made some awesome friends. I ate lunch with an older couple who had an amazing story including 35 years as missionaries in Japan. They prayed with me that I would get on the next flight out to OKC (which I did!)

I made friends with a girl who is a student at the university I work at and lives on the same street as me!

I made many other friends and had some great conversations, and such a wonderful time.

It wasn't until the end of my time, when I was about to board my plane when I realized that I let my personality shine on this day.

I had left the weekend feeling down on myself and defeated. I had received an awesome message from God, pertaining exactly to how I was feeling but I had not yet processed it.

If I had ended up going home at the time I planned I would have emotionally "thrown up" on Luke and it wouldn't have been pretty, or fair to either of us.

God literally had to get me stop moving and be still and remind me that I am His child, He created me with this personality, and when I stop obsessing over it (like I did this weekend) and just let it shine (like I did at the airport) He will use it for His good. Not that He can't use it for His good when I am obsessing over it, but if I am so obsessed with myself it is harder to discern His voice wanting to use me.

So I began the day in tears, broken down, and ended the long (SIX HOURS) day at the airport full of his presence.

It was almost like he especially designed a debriefing for me. I had time to process the words from the conference and even put them into practice.

I could go on and on about how He used this crazy day, but I am rambling and not explaining very coherently so it's time for me to wrap it up.

It was a great weekend I left with some new in real life friends, that I CANNOT wait to see again.

And FYI: I made it home at 6 and kissed the roads of Oklahoma. I've never been so happy to see this state.


34 comments:

Lauren Kelly said...

Megan..... I smiled when reading this because God is always up to something and this was your "something"... Glad you recognized that and just look at how the day unfolded!!! Amazing!! :)

Greta said...

I love that your personality is an "over-sharing-can't-be-fake" one!

God is sweet, huh?

Rachel said...

I love you my "new" friend and God is good. That is all :)

Becca said...

I'm so glad you made it home, and that God was able to teach you through it. Because that's the sign of someone who He can use: someone who is willing to listen and see His hand even in the hard stuff. . . I'm praying that He will continue to show you how beautiful and wonderful you are - I LOVE your personality and had a great time getting to know you a little better this weekend :-)

Lauren said...

Yay God!! ...I wish I had known your were in the ATL! I am from there and we could have gone from blog land to earth land friends!

Ams said...

Our plan is never as good as His is right? It's just hard to accept that sometimes. I love this post!!! And so glad that you made it home to hubs in one piece :)

Jess said...

I'm glad you had such an eye-opening weekend! God always knows what He's doing, especially when we don't know what we're doing.

Being stranded in an airport would have made me upset, too.

Heather said...

Megan- this is just so cool! I always need a debriefing about a conference and sounds like God gave you a good one!!! I am SO SAD that I did not get to come and meet you, and I look forward to meeting you and your wonderful personality soon!!! Have a great week!

petrii said...

Megan,
You are such a sweetie!! I love your honesty. It is one of the things that draws me to this blog everytime. I know that you are going to put it out there. You are a doll sweet one. I love that you had lunch with a couple that were missionaries for so long and that you met a girl that goes to your University and lives on your street and you didn't even meet her in OKC, but in ATL. How awesome is that?!!! You had some divine appointments girly!!

Love you and looking forward to hearing about the rest of your weekend,
Dawn

Classy Fab Sarah said...

Oversharing, party of two? You and me both, sister!

Glad the weekend ended up turning out well!

Mrs. Alex P said...

What an amazing story. I'm so happy that your weekend turned out well!

amy (metz) walker said...

Glad you made it home safely and that God used your time to sit still to teach you more about Himself and you!

I think you had a wonderful personality and I'm so glad I got to meet you! So glad I can now call you my friend...

Lianna Knight said...

Isn't God mysterious and magnificent all at the same time???

Melanie said...

Colossians 2:6-7

It's so good to hear someone living out this verse!

Thank you for sharing and glorifying God through your blog!

Mel

PinkSass said...

Loved reading this post and I just love your positive attitude that you took on at the airport after being upset.

It was so great to meet you my now in real life friend. :) Hope we can see each other again soon.

Rebecca Jo said...

I love your honesty... it makes you so real & beautiful!

God has a sense of humor -doesnt he? Having you stuck in an airport feeling like you have to permantly move in there... & he just gives you enough to show you a little more of yourself that you forgot was there... how awesome is our God!!!

Erin said...

It sounds like you did a great job of throwing off the old and putting on the new, just like Ephesians 4:21-24 tells us to do. I'm proud of you, bloggy friend, and grateful that God gave you the opportunity to practice that.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

I'm so happy that you made it home safely, but isn't it amazing how God always reminds us that he is in control? You were ready to get the heck out of ATL and he wasn't done talking to you yet. I love it... may even cry just thinking about it.

I loved you the first time we met, but after spending two days with you I love you even more! I'm so happy to have our friendship so we can "talk it out" together!

Trina said...

Oh sweet Megan I loved this honest post. I too struggled alot with being insecure this weekend. I was so nervous to meet so many bloggers all at once, I was so overwhelmed and felt like I didn't really fit in at first. Just like you said, satan knew how to get me and it was such an ironic time too.

I know I am not the only one that adores your personality. Having met you in person now, I can say you are exactly what you project yourself to be on the blog. Which is real and down to earth. I'm so glad I got to spend time with you this weekend. :)

Lauren said...

What an awesome God we serve! I'm so glad that you were able to experience His goodness & mercy! Thanks so much for sharing this...I definitely needed to hear it!

Belle said...

Thanks for sharing this story! It's amazing how the Lord puts people and situations in our lives to communicate with us and we don't even know it's happening.

Pocketfull of Pink @ 5th Belle Ave said...

What an awesome story!! God is so good. :o)

Love Being a Nonny said...

You were in that airport by His divine plan. So glad you didn't waste it! thanks for sharing!

Becky said...

Hi Megan,
I just started reading your blog (through Erin/Blue-Eyed Bride's link) and I have to say, you sound like you have a great personality! I'm glad God was able to show Himself to you in such a unique, loving way. I love when things like that happen.
Anyway, I will bookmark your blog!

In this wonderful life... said...

I love hearing these stories and these learning experiences! I wish I could have heard Beth Moore. I look forward to reading the book!!

xoxo

Perfectly Imperfect said...

While I don't know you personally, I think what personality you show on this blog is awesome. I'm sorry you got stuck, but am so glad that God got to you through that. Just shows He is always in control! Glad you made it home safely. I'm sad I missed you girls in Atlanta!

Christina said...

Amazing how things workout that way.

Faith said...

Isn't is just like the Lord to give us a test to see what we will do with what we've just learned. I know that He is proud of your obedience!

So glad I was able to finally meet you this weekend. I enjoyed our Chick-fil-A chat time so much. You are just a doll!

valerie said...

That's so neat how God blessed you at the airport.
And, how fun that you got to meet so many blogging friends. I'll be anxious to hear more about the weekend.
Do you ever go to the Living Proof Blog?
That's where I got the commission statement.
It's on my list of favorites at the bottom.
You're a beautiful girl with such a great personality.
Don't let satan try to tell you otherwise.
I'd love to meet up again one of these days. We need to go see Julie and her adorable little baby girl.
Take care Megan. You're in my prayers!
Love,
Valerie

smile steady said...

I just found your blog again, and I love this post. I love the honesty of it, and I love that you learned more about yourself and our awesome God. (I also love that you're a fellow Okie!)

Adriana said...

I hardly ever comment, so this is probably going to be the longest comment ever...I have to tell you that I have not once stopped reading your blog through all my on and (mostly) off blogging. You're my favorite blogger! I relate to you SO much it's not even funny, that sometimes I'm like wait is that me writing that...there are so many times you take the words right out of my mouth...I too in real lifeam an over sharer and struggle with that but for some reason I find it hard to express myself throught blogging...that's one thing we don't have in common...I constantly look to you for inspiration when I'm thinking about blogging again, I love how you overshare and are able to express yourself so freely and clearly on here...
That is so awesome you were actually in Atlanta with Beth Moore! I won tickets through the Christian radio station here in FL and saw it live through tv at one of the local churches...it was amazing!!! The "Put off your old self and put on your new self" concept has really stuck...when I'm having an insecure cringy moment I ask myself is this my old self acting out or my new self? Right away I realize it's the old me and right then I tell myself that's the old me and that no longer serves me. Then I go about what I feel the new me, the one God wants me to be, would do...I don't know if that makes sense but I hope it helps:) Looking forward to more posts!:)

Chelsi said...

I love your honesty and openness in this post. I am an over sharer as well. While it may make me vulnerable to criticism, it is who I am!

Steph Johnson said...

Hey Megan! I started following your blog after you started contributing to "Newlyweds and Nesting". I've enjoyed it so much! I live in OKC, but I went back to my parents' church in north Texas to participate in the simulcast with my mother and several friends. It was so amazing to know that I was worshipping and learning with 300,000 sisters!

Betsy said...

Megan, I only met you for a minute, but you are precious and I can't wait to get to know you better through your blog!! I am following you now! :)