It is so easy for me to come on here and tell a funny story, list off some randm facts, or even share a little bit about my life.
I tell you how I worry, and how I am incapable of cooking chicken without crying, but I never show you the ugly side. I am sure to cover that up.
I'm not talking about my ugly side that comes out at night when I wash off my makeup, because I have probably shown you that at one time, or another it is unavoidable.
And I'm not talking about my ugly prideful side. Because I have more than once pridefully admitted that I wish I never EVER would have cut off all my long hair. I think I show that side quite a bit. (and by the way, my hair can't grow FAST ENOUGH)
I'm talking about the ugly side that I try to keep hidden, but it pops out every so often and disrupts things. The ugly side that makes bad decisions and then repercussions have to follow.
I wish I could go into the future and take away all bad decisions that I will eventually make.
Because the repercussions are not fun.
Last night was one of those nights when the ugly side came out.
My sister irriated me, and because it was my sister and she is in the inner circle she gets to see the ugly side.
I was irritated, so I sent her a not so nice text message, I wouldn't do this with just anybody, only the lucky ones that are in the inner circle. Some may not think that seems so lucky.
The sad part is, it wasn't an impulsive decision, I thought about it. I thought about how what I was going to send her could potentially hurt her feelings and then I would be left with the hangover of my decision.
But I did it anyways, the ugly side took over and I pushed send on the message, and then found out that I had hurt her feelings to the point of tears.
Knife in the heart.
My ugly side can be pretty ugly and I hate it.
It is nice to keep this side of me hidden, but I don't want the ugly side to have that kind of power. I want to expose it and hopefully learn from it.
Although I do think that every-time something like this happen and then I go on and hurt somebody else's feelings.
And sometimes sorry isn't enough. Yes it is good to say it, but it doesn't take away the guilt and the shame knowing that you made a bad decision and let the ugly side come out.
Maybe one day I will learn, hopefully soon.
I hope you never have to see this ugly side. But if you do it means you made it to the inner circle so thats a plus right?!?!
AND this is off the topic but I need to share it:I did NOT brown the meat for the meatballs. Instead of calling Big Mama I totally emailed her and she told me to put it in the oven raw and the oven cooks it. We are practically BFF.
Hope you have a great weekend!!