7/16/09

Waiting While Dating

There was a time when I felt like God was calling me to write a book.

I have said it many times before but I will say it again, Luke and I dated a long time before we got engaged. Five years to be exact.

For some reason there is a huge misconception in the Christian world. The misconception is that if two God following believers are dating then they should get married ASAP. I don't know where this misconception came from, or why it developed but it happens and we fell victim to this misconception many times.

The very first year we started dating (we were 19) I had a couple of people just assume that we were getting married that next year. This happened to scare the heck out of a young Indian boy who shall remain nameless for this story.

So here I was 4 years later still dating the same boy and still not married, so I went out on search for a book to help me get through my trying time. Man life was stressful.

Alas, after searching countless book selections I found that there was no book devoted to Waiting While Dating (that would have been the title of my book).

There were books for girls waiting for a man, there were books about staying pure while dating, there were books for engaged couples, and there were books for married couples but there were no books for people who were dating, but still waiting for God's timing.

It may seem silly but at the time it was a very big and real deal to me.


So I decided that God was calling me to write this book.

So I truly attempted to write this book.

I never got past the first chapter.

Not because I got engaged, no, that did not happen for another year or so, I never got past the first chapter because I realized that maybe it wasn't God that was calling me to write the book. Maybe I was just wanting to get a point out, and I didn't need to write a whole book for this one point.

Do not ask a girl when she is getting married, or why she hasn't gotten married yet. That is something that is between the two people dating, and the one thing they do know is to trust God. To you it may seem like just one quesion but you may be the fifth person that week that has asked her that quesion and asking her isn't helping things, its pretty much just annoying.

That would have been my book, Waiting While Dating. I still love the title.

Yesterday a couple of you mentioned that you were going to 'steal' my idea and do a picture for every month for your anniversary. Don't worry it wasn't my idea, I stole it from Steph! She did it and I loved it! So steal away! :-)
Photobucket

42 comments:

Jane said...

I hated getting asked that question! And now that we've broken up, I have it even more! Whenever I'm getting married, I promise I'll tell you!! :)

haha - could you forward this statement to my friends and family, please! :)

Southern Belle said...

I know what you mean. I'm in my late twenties and live in the South. It seems like every time I run into an old friend, someone in my family, or even strangers, they wonder why I'm still single at my age. I mean I'm not single in dating terms but single when it comes to filing your taxes. Ha! I hate it when people rush you or ask invasive questions like that!!!

Shannon said...

I loved yesterday's post as well! Too bad hubs and I don't take that many pictures :( He avoids the camera at all costs!

Love the post today. So very true - we feel rushed to get to the next step without fully enjoying the first step!

And btw, your blog hates me! Today is the first time in weeks that it's let me comment!

Heather said...

As a northern implanted in the south this phenomena of marrying so quickly is strange to me! More power to you & Luke for waiting to make sure it was absolutely the right time. I've been with my bf for 3.5 years and I don't see wedding bells happening in the next year (not in a bad way though)...I love that title!!!

Taryn said...

What a good title. It is so stupid to rush into marriage- I am proud of you guys for taking things at your speed. (My husband and I knew each other for 5 years- and dated for about 4 of those years. We were not ready before that.)

LuLu Lake said...

I am waiting while dating and let me tell you I would have LOVED your book! I am going on year 3 and even though its been rough these past few weeks. I believe that God put us together for a reason. I am just hoping that reason is to get married. And I hate when people ask when we are getting married, it makes for uncomfortable moments of laughter.

Whitney said...

I think you should still write it. Totally.

Lauren said...

Oh how I hated this question...we even knew when we wanted to get married...but it seemed completely inappropriate to those around me for us to wait 4 years after we started dating to get married! I'm so glad we did!

Meg said...

i couldn't agree more...my husband and I dated 5.5 years before we were married (recently!!) and we were waiting to be intimate and waiting to move in together...two things a lot of people just don't get. I had a hard enough time not questioning God's timing without every other person asking me what was up?? I try really hard to remember this with other couples...

Whitney said...

Oh goodness... I hope this question does not get asked anytime soon! Granted I have only been with my boyfriend for a year, but I will dread when people start asking me this question!!!

Bethany said...

Once you get married everyone asks "when are you having a baby?" why can't people just mind their own business?

USCEmily said...

Thank you for this post, Megan! This is EXACTLY how I feel sometimes. I get tired of going to weddings and people saying- "Y'all are next" or "When are you two getting married?".
First off, it's not any of their business.
Second off, who are they to assume we are ready?
And third, it only serves to aggravate WEG because he has been married and it sucked for him, and he's not ready to take the plunge again.
But, of course, you can't say any of those things to the askers. You just have to smile and say "I don't know!" or "maybe one day" or, in our case, we just say "we're not getting married" and that usually shuts people up.

Sarah said...

Before my break-up, I would have bought that book in a heartbeat. Six YEARS is a long time to field those types of questions.

But it is soo true that the timing just has to be right. Amen, sister.

Kassie said...

What a great title for a book! Great post. I know what you mean from friends with people asking all the time, "when are you getting married??" So irritating. I read somewhere that you should never ask a dating couple when they are getting married, and a married couple when they are having children. The worst is when people have been dating years, get engaged, and then everyone says "it's about time!". That's what the couple wanted to hear. :)

Jennifer said...

Amen. Josh and I dated for 6 years before we got engaged and then we were engaged for 13 months so it was a total of 7 year and 2 weeks from the time we started dating until we got married. As soon as we got in college people would assume we were going to get married so for 4 long years I got asked about every other week when it would happen. On top of that, when we did get engaged my senior year of college, most people's reactions were "well finally!" I wanted to scream.

Sweet Simplicity said...

I love your book title. Now the question is when are you having kids. I don't mind too much. I usually just smile and say not for a while.

Becky said...

I remember reading lady in waiting while I was single-but yes there isn't anything while you are dating! I feel the same-as if it is a rushed feeling like you HAVE to get married soon...but if it's meant to be it will happen :)

Hollie said...

i think that would have been a great book! who knows, one day you may still write it.

i loved seeing the pics of you and Luke in your last post!

Lindsey said...

LOVE the book title and that concept!

Kristen said...

I totally know where you are coming from. My husband and I went to a Christian university and the running joke was "A ring by spring or your money back!" We were constantly bombarded with when we were going to get engaged and our response is that we are planning on getting married when we are done with school. So, we dated for 3.5 years (throughout college), were engaged for a year(after we had finished college), then finally were married. I didn't feel like "waiting" was that big of a deal, but apparently others had another agenda for us!

It Is Everlasting said...

I also started dating my husband at 19 and we got married when I was 24. It was a long road but I know that the Lord would not have had it any other way-- we both had a lot of growing to do and learning how to rely on Him. We actually fasted from one another for 6 weeks toward the end of our dating days because we needed desperately to hear what His will was-- were we to get engaged, etc... The Lord spoke very clearly to my husband and woke him in the middle of the night. I wouldn't trade that for anything and agree that you can absolutely be a Christian and grow into a wonderful married couple even if you are dating for a long(er) period of time. Thanks for sharing!

Lauren Kelly said...

Megan, I sooooo needed to hear this today! Thank you!

It's hard to be single in a couples and married world and you're just wondering when it's going to be your time! It's hard but I've been told it's so worth it when you find the one God brings you!

Love ya, sweet friend!

writing4612 said...

I know exactly what you mean. I had some friends that dated for a very long time. People were always pestering them.

My friend later told me that it wasn't God timing to get married in four or five years. He said if he'd done that, the timing would have messed his wife's schooling up. Now, they're happily married. Some peole just don't understand the concept of waiting. Not everything is supposed to happen at lightning speed!

Rachel said...

Oh Megan, I could have been your co-author on this book!! We dated for four years, and after the first year, all we heard, from friends and family, was, "When are you two gonna get married?" I hated it and it hurt so much when it was all I wanted, but I knew it was out of my control.

Like I said in my email, waiting is HARD, but it's even more difficult when the people around you question your actions. And I did the same thing as you...I looked for books on this topic but found nothing. If only I had found your blog back then, and I would have had someone to talk to in the same place I was!

BUT, that's all in the past and God is good! Now we both have wonderful husbands and we're ready to celebrate our first anniversaries. God's timing was always right :)

Suzette said...

You would be an excellent author! You have great writing skills, who knows, it could still happen! :) This is a great point to make! I have been guilty of asking this question... Now I see the flip side!

Rachel said...

One more thing!

Do you get "So when are you two gonna buy a home? There are such great incentives for first time home buyers now!" all the time now? That's the newest question we get all the time and it drives me crazy because it's really no one's business what we're doing with our money. If we want to wait a little while before buying a home, we should be able to!

Ok...that's all! Had to get that off my chest!

Julia said...

Oh you should post the first chapter you wrote!!! I love it! :)

We only dated for 11 months then got engaged and married 4 months later. I was 27 years old! My book would have been called "Jealous Boyfriends Who Have Never Ever Had A Girlfriend Before But Are Now Dating REDEEMED Girls That Had Tons Of Boyfriends In High School And College But Could Care Less About Them Now." Catchy isn't it ;)

Alex and Jill said...

You are SO RIGHT. There is such pressure once you get engaged to immediately get married. We married at 19 and I have to say that it was assumed that we would marry the very next year...so we did. There is no way we will let our little girl marry that young. LOL You should write the book...wonderful title. :)

Jon and Steph said...

I completely agree that there is pressure! Maybe it is something about Oklahomans ;)

That is a GREAT title for a book. You really should try to continue writing it. It doesn't have to be a long book!

Marissa said...

Love it! My husband and I were married on our 5 year anniversary. I think we were dating for a month when people started asking us when we were getting married

Heather said...

You are SO right about that question and you know what goes right along with it?!?!? "When are you going to have kids/" or my personal favorite (and struggle!) "When are you going to have ANOTHER baby?!?!" People don't think before they ask those things....but they should! :)

annie said...

Thanks for this post! My husband and I also waited about 5 years before getting married, and you know what? I'm glad! It gave us time to grow up a little bit (we still have a looong way to go!), and to each realize who we're supposed to be as individuals.

While waiting might not be for everyone, I think it made us better prepared for the commitment we were about to make. And, I for one wish more young Christian couples would consider waiting... I think there's just too much pressure from nosy people out there!

You should write your book. I'll help. :)

Kristen said...

It is funny that you mentioned that because it does seem like it, that when you are a Christian people think you will get married so soon or that you see young people who do get married so soon :) hmm, glad I am not the only one who sees it! But maybe it just seems like I see it everywhere and I really don't, who knows!

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

i totally know what you mean... and it's bigger pressure while you're in college. when you're out there aren't as many people to put the pressure on you. so frustrating.

Amber said...

My husband and I dated for five years before we got engaged and then waited another two to get married after that. Even though we had been together so long, we thought we were still young.

Just wait because now the most annoying question is going to start "when are y'all having kids?" That one is even more annoying. We seriously got asked that at our wedding reception!!! Th

Heather said...

I think you could so write a book, I love your thoughts and it sounds like you are really helping some girls who are still waiting. I love reading your posts and I chuckled out loud at the little indian boy part! :)

Brittany said...

I didn't get the "when are you getting married" question a lot, but now that we've been married for three years, I keep getting the "when are you going to have kids" questions ALL.THE.TIME. And not even from people that I'm close with! Just random acquaintances. I mean...I don't even really KNOW you! It's none of your business!

Gosh! =.) Love your blog - you are too funny!

Kristin @ Blue Skies said...

People just need to realize that each person's life is personal. We should not feel the need to question another's life if it doesn't fall the way we think it should.

We can take to heart the verse, "for I know the plans I have for you". Easier said than done, I know!

Becca said...

oh my hubby and I dated for almost 6 years before getting married (at least I think that's how long . . . I tend to lose track because now I'm getting old) whatever, it was a LONG time!

Insight, Insanity, Imagination said...

oh my how I couldn't agree with you more! my BF and I been together for 2 years now, but we are both 26 and I guess that means that we should be married by now. I get asked "soo... any plans to tie the knot?" about 30 times a week. The dental hygenist even asked me yesterday and that was the first time I had even layed my eyes on her! So annoying -

whitphimutx said...

I am new to your blog and this post really spoke to me! My boyfriend and I have dated for almost 3 yrs and I am constantly asked "when are y'all getting engaged/married?". I'm in graduate school for 2 more yrs so I usually say not anytime soon!! Every week someone I know from college or highschool has gotten engaged...it's ridiculous and sometimes I find myself sucked into the drama of it all because I find myself being impatient about the whole being engaged thing. I keep praying to God and asking him for patience, because I want my lift to be on his time! Thank you again for this post, it's good to know that others were in the same boat!

Manda Jo said...

Hey!

I just found your blog a few days ago! I went back and read through some of your older posts on Married Life and I truly found myself laughing out loud! I could relate to so many of the things you were saying.

Anyway, I just read this post and I loved it! My husband and I just got married three months ago, but we dated for 5 years and were engaged for 10 months before we got married. We were perfectly content while dating because we both knew God would let us know when it was time to get married. Poor Micheal (my husband) took the brunt of all of the marriage questions from other people though... they always gave him a hard time for not asking me. However, neither one of us would have had it any other way!

Just thought I would share...its nice to know someone else who dated for several years before getting married!

Be Blessed,
Amanda