7/21/09

Dead Weight

It was during college that I really moved close to God. It was there that I learned what it was to experience a real relationship with Him and what it was like to know Him personally.

There were dry times, when I wasn’t as close to Him as other times, but I never strayed. I always maintained a personal relationship.

A year and a half after I graduated from college Luke and I got engaged and I was immediately thrown into this crazy engaged/wedding planning world. We set our date and I had 4 months to get everything ready.

Which, if you are familiar with the wedding world 4 months is not a whole lot of time. It was extremely stressful. My world suddenly became wedding, wedding, wedding, and everything else took a back seat.

And sadly, this included my relationship with God. So sad, but so true.

The wedding came and went and now I was a married woman. A wife to somebody.

A WIFE.

This was the biggest role in my life to date, and instead of spending time preparing for the spiritual aspects of becoming a wife I prepared for the outer aspects of becoming a wife.

During the engagement time I would ‘feel bad’ about not spending time with God, but I kept reminding myself I just needed to get through those four months and then I would pick up with God where I left Him. Ouch.

It did occur to me several times through those 4 months that maybe my life wouldn’t feel so chaotic if I spent a little more time with Him. Possibly, my tears weren’t tears of not knowing what color flowers to order, or crying because the guest list was about 200 more people then I thought it would be, but tears because I was missing a relationship that had been so vital.

After marriage it was not so easy to pick up right where I left off. Spending time with God did not come as easily to me as it once did, and suddenly I found myself relying on my husband to ‘handle’ all the spiritual aspects of our marriage.

I mean, he works in the church; he’s closer to God anyways right?

Wrong.

I can’t tell you what a strain it put on our relationship for me to put this kind of weight on my husband. It wasn’t fair, and it certaintly wasn’t necessary when I was well equipped to walk right along side him. I mean that was one of the main reasons he married me (aside from my witty charm of course).

So over the past couple of months I have been trying to pick up where I left off with God. I know that he never moved and I was the one who moved.

Luke does such an amazing job at leading our little family spiritually that it is so easy for me to sit back and let him handle all of the aspects of it, which is NOT how God intended it and is bascially pretty lazy on my part.

And lets face it, I really don't want to be a spiritually dead weight that Luke is dragging around. That would be no fun at all. Even if I do have Rocky-like-Jumping-roping-skillz.

Yet again another topic I wish there were books about.


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25 comments:

Jon and Steph said...

I'm with you 100%. After my wedding and moving to Germany I staggered away from God a little, now I am trying to get right back where I was and have an even better relationship with Him. It's such an awesome feeling to know he will never "stagger" away from us!

It's great that you've realized this and are making steps to change your relationship and be a better follower!

Jen said...

Hey Megan,

I don't know if I have commented before on your blog but I've been reading for awhile now! You are such a cute blogger and I just love your writing! So fun to read! I know what it's like to move away from God, I did for about FIVE years! Talk about having a hard time coming back into a daily walk with Him! I love your analogy of being a Dead Weight! Thanks for sharing apart of you with me!

Jen

Oh and BTW I am a total Big Brother fan too! I meant to comment on that post awhile ago but never did!! Ha!!!

Rachel H. said...

I can definitely relate to this...being busy and everything else that goes on, it's sometimes difficult to turn to God, but it's so important! I know that I need to get back there too! Thanks for the encouragement!

petrii said...

Megan,
You are a doll...a sweet married, working out your life with Jesus, kind of doll!! I loved this post. You are so real, and real works.

Have a Blessed, jump-roping kind of day =)
Dawn

Rachel said...

All I can say is, I love your honesty and your heart for Jesus.

Have a great Wednesday :)

Lauren Kelly said...

You'll find that when you feel the furthest from God, he'll seek you out and met you right where you're at!! :) Love ya, friend!

Sweet Simplicity said...

Last Fall, I was struggling with my relationship with God. I ordered a book called Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be: A 90-day guide to living the proverbs 31 life. It was a good book, but I didn't like everything about it. I think there is a similar book about becoming the wife God wants me to be. Not sure though. The one thing that I really like about the book was it encouraged you to memorize verses. This was the first one and my favorite from Proverbs 31.

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

It really got me to thinking about, "Do I really bring good and not harm to Ty all the time?"
Sorry for writing a novel!

Erin said...

I can definitely relate. Over the last nine months, my husband and I got so involved in church activities that they started taking the place of a personal walk with God--not good! Since realizing that, I've been making an effort to sit down every day and read the Bible and pray. Nothing, not even good things like church, can take the place of a one-on-one relationship with our Savior. (And aren't you sooo glad He's always there, patiently waiting for us to come back?)

Mark and Kathryn said...

I totally know how you feel!!! Thanks for sharing.

~K

THE Stephanie said...

I love how real you are, Megan! Sometimes it's so easy to get sucked into "doing" church, and we just forget the personal relationship. It's a daily walk...

~Steph

Jenny Lynn said...

I am the same way.
I went from the college gal who was content in the Lord and my relationship with Him to married wife that spends time doing "important, wifey things" and puts God on the backburner. Sadly, it is difficult to get back on track even though He is number one in my heart, I often don't put Him number one of my priority list.

If you find any books, please do tell :)

Lauren said...

I feel the same way---it always seems like we make time for all the wordly stuff & seem to make excuses & say "Oh, I'll do that tomorrow...when tomorrow never becomes today." Taking the first step is always the most difficult--but God is faithful & will pull us through.

Taryn said...

I feel like you are talking right at me in the last few sentances. I too have relied far too much on my husband to handle all of my spiritual needs. I did it for a different reason (Seminary was the hardest two years of my life- where God and I kinda took a break - isn't that ironic?) but the end result is the same as you and Luke. I am trying hard to get back to it- but it is hard. Good luck to you.

Maybe you should write an essay and get it published- not a book. A collection of essays about your thoughts. Good idea Taryn!

Alex and Jill said...

After 13 years of marriage...this is something that I STILL have to stay conscious of. Alex is really good to hold me accountable...he doesn't let me just rely on him for the answers. He encourages me to pray and seek God to find the answers for myself. I'll be honest, sometimes I just want to be lazy and let him do it for me. LOL

Great post, girl! Made me stop and re-evaluate where I'm at.

writing4612 said...

I'm glad you stopped to take the time to do some self reflection. It always helps me to reevaluate my priorities.

Kassie said...

This was such a fantastic post. I think that sometimes we get so busy, that we say, "oh, God will be there when I finish xyz." When really He is priority 1, and we wouldn't feel so busy if we could stop and spend time with Him! A lot times I can get caught up in doing "church" things, and forget the reason there is a "church" in the first place.

JAMIE HIRYAK said...

Good post.

Faith said...

Sweet Megan, I think we all go through seasons in our walk with the Lord that are closer than others. I know that since I have started back to work, my walk has greatly suffered. It takes much humility to admit what you did and I know that the Lord is honored by your desire to be closer with Him. He will bless that!

MELISSA said...

all i can say is thank you. i needed this. i have been dead weight for almost a year now. :(

Glamorous Life of a House Wife said...

Great post. So true for so many of us. We really missed you tonight!!

Lyryn said...

I know all to well how that is! that's great that you want to get back where you were with the Father. I'll be praying for that for you.

Agreed... more books on that please!!! :)

My name is Megan... said...

Wow, I know how you feel! I've been trying to pick back up and it can be hard. Together...and with God, of course, anything is possible! :)

Perfectly Imperfect said...

Well said Megan. This is something I struggle with too because I tend to expect Mr. Perfect to handle that aspect. But I've been working on it... I love it when you post your "wise one" blogs! With a bit of humor of course =)

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

Amazing post! I've been counting on Todd to be the spiritual leader and I feel like I haven't been doing my part. I'm going to step it up.

Anonymous said...

That was such a great post! There are seasons when I struggle too- and I'm a pastor's wife (shhh! that's not supposed to happen right?) It's been hard to get back into the habit after having my last little one- there are some days I'm so tired and I feel like my day is on FF. But I love it when my oldest mimics me and tells me she's getting her bible to read so she can learn about Jesus. That is true motivation:)
Love ya Megan!