When I am reading a book, when I get to a really suspenseful part, I skip to the end of that particular mystery and read how it ends. Then, I go back to my spot in the book and continue reading the suspense, even though I now know the end.
When I am watching a movie, if it is a movie that involves a lot of ‘build up’ and anticipation, I will get online, read how the movie ends, and then continue watching my move. All the while knowing how it will end.
I like to know the end of situations.
I want to know how they will turn out, who is involved, what happens. I want ALL the details.
And usually I want this information prematurely.
When Luke and I were dating, I was not good at being patient and waiting for him to simply propose.
I would ask him constantly, when he was going to do it, what my ring would look like, how he was going to do it.
But alas, he never told me, and on February 29th I was completely shocked when he proposed.
Despite all my efforts to figure it out, I had no idea he was going to get on one knee that day.
And this is usually how life works
Situations come up.
Circumstances change, and life seems to go a different way than excepted.
And despite my efforts to figure out how things are going to turn out, despite my worries, and my anxieties, I can never find the 'secret' to figuring out the end.
But in this constant desire to skip to the end and see how it is going to turn out, in the middle of all of the worrying and fretting about the situation, I lose a part of my life.
Instead of trusting in Him and using this time to let my faith grow, I lose time. I lose valuable time that I was given, to live this life and to live it fully.
So I have been trying this.
I want to live out faith, trusting Him, and being more focused on Him, then how it will turn out.
I am working on not being so consumed with the end result, and being consumed with life now.
Because I don’t want to miss what happens right now because I was trying to skip ahead and figure out the end.
....Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Matth 6:29-31