4/30/09

Discontentment

Often times, my 'nonblogging friends' ask me what I blog about. They ask me how do I even come up with strories to blog about.

I explain to them that I basically just blog about my life, whether is important things such as my love for Ryan Seacrest or my obsession with chocolate chip cookies, or weekend memories that I want to look back on and remember, or a funny story from the newly married life of Luke and Megan, its just my life.

However, lately it seems that the blog words just aren't really flowing.

My mind has been distracted, and I can't really even pinpoint why it is distracted.

I'm at a point in my life where I feel constantly 'lost' and it is incrediably frustrating.

"Show us Your direction for our lives."

This is something that I pray every. single. day.

Asking God, pleading with God, begging God to show Luke and I his direction for our lives.

Every night when Luke and I lay down from our busy days, we stop and pray together, and I can guarantee 6 out of 7 prayers a week we ask request this of God.

His will.

His direction.

We are at a transitional time in our lives. We are young, newly married, no kids, our lives could go in any direction at this point.

And we have no idea where it is going.

For the past couple of months I have been battling some pretty heavy discontentment in an area of my life.

I have been fighting it and I am ready to be rid of it.

Discontentment robs me from my life right now. Robs from the season that I am currently living in.

I have blogged about discontentment in my life in the past, and vowed to not let it affect me.

And then I would find contentment in that particular area I was struggling with.

Then discontentment would rear its ugly head in another area, an area that I was perfectly content in and never once would have thought I could have been discontent in it.

It sneaks in, it steals joy, it steals relationships, it steals peace.

And once again, I find myself fighting it.

Sometimes I feel like I can beat it.

Other times I feel like it is suffocating me and I will never know the feeling of contentment again.

Its exhausting.

But strangely enough it keeps me alive.

It keeps me searching for more.

God has so much for my life. For Luke’s life. For our lives together

And when discontentment comes it shows me how ugly the other side is.

How I don’t want to live one day, one moment without God.

Without his direction and his purpose.

It keeps me going.

So I will continue to push through the discontentment fighting it and learning from it.

I had intended to write about our first Shred experience (and oh was it an experience) but this is all my mind has for now.

And perhaps this is someone out there who can relate.

So until tomorrow this is all I have.

Wish me luck as I attempt to lift my arms today, Jillian was dead-set on making sure they felt like noodles for the next couple of days.

I am in pain just typing. Seriously. And blow drying my hair? I wanted to chop my arms off.

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10 (The Message)

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39 comments:

Shannon said...

Trust me, you're not alone in your discontentment! I've been battling it too. I'll do fine for about a week and then it comes back again.. So frustrating. I'm just ready for things to be normal!

Jenny Lynn said...

I completely understand this feeling! It can be so frustrating but, you're exactly right. God allows us to find contentment in Him. When those feelings arise, it's such a blessing to know we have a Creator that has a plan and cares that we are struggling.

THE Stephanie said...

Been there, you're not alone. The good thing is that you seem to be keeping your eyes on God. Although it's hard, as long as you keep focused on Him, He'll pull you through.

Hang in there... but don't lift your arms :)

Rebecca Jo said...

I know discontment can be frustrating but know that God can use that to keep us from being "comfortable" where we are at... it can push you to grow closer & stronger for HIM!

Anxious to see how God will use both you & Luke!

Love Being a Nonny said...

At 52, I am still learning to be content and find JOY in all circumstances. I find that it is a heart attitude. Aren't we glad we have HIM to turn to?

And the shred...last night was my first night. I blogged about it. Remember, I'm 52!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whitney said...

I know exactly how you feel. Believe me, you are far from alone in this. Thank you for sharing your heart and being so honest. I will be praying for you!

Becky said...

*Praying for you* I think everyone battles those feelings of discontentment all the time...so don't feel alone in this, it will always get better....God always has his hand over you!!
Much love, Becky

Kristin @ Blue Skies said...

I SO know where you are coming from! I think a lot of it for me is also being a newlywed and trying to find where I fit in this new stage of my life. Don't worry, you are NOT alone!

I also know all about the noodle arms! Jillian has just about killed me quite a few times!

Brittany Ann said...

I totally relate, but I just keep believing His plan for us reveals itself in His time, the perfect time. Hang in there! You are never alone in this!

Belle of the Ball said...

It's so wild that I just posted the lyrics from Hillsong's Divine and then clicked over to read your post...it's such a God thing! Just look to Him and you will find yourself and your place..I'll be praying for you today! Be blessed!

Faith said...

Oh Megan, thank you for this. I know I needed to hear it. I can so relate to these feelings and desperately want His direction as well. But, more than anything I want Him to be enough - all I need. That's a hard place to get to but I pray He will take me, and us all, there.

Lindsey said...

I understand that feeling so well and pray a very similar pray as you!

Alex and Jill said...

I'll be praying for you and Luke, as you search for God's plan for your lives. You're not alone in this...it's something we all struggle with, I believe. I also believe God has something wonderful in store for you guys!

Candice said...

I am totally with you in this. I have been struggling with discontentment so much. This post totally brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure if it's because I'm relieved to know I'm not alone or because it has reminded me of my struggle. Either way, thanks for your honesty and encouragement.

USCEmily said...

You're not alone! I think that everyone feels discontentment at some time or another! Continue to trust in God and he'll show you the correct path!

petrii said...

Oh my dear girl, you hang in there. God is doing a work sweet thang ~~ trust your older counterpart on this one. He loves you so, and just the simple fact that you and Luke are willing to seek His face on this regularly, brings great joy to Abba. He will lead and guide you.

I've been very discontented in life and have found that seeking the Lord is ALWAYS the answer. Maybe I don't have an exact answer at that moment, but in the seeking I find my Father ALWAYS faithful to listen and help. He is truly all we need.

I love you sweet Megan and you hang in there.

Have a Blessed Thursday,
Dawn

Lauren said...

I can completely understand where you're coming from. I really think this is a perfectly normal feeling for newlyweds or even those just in transition. I guess we all just have to continue to have hope & faith that God will lead us in the right direction.

SassyEngineer said...

We all feel it at some point, but just continue to pray for God to fill you up. I think this is one way the Devil tries to sneak into our thoughts and tear us down. Keep God in there and you will beat this!

d.a.r. said...

I'm praying so hard for you. I think sometimes that being 20 something newlyweds is almost as traumatic as being a 13 year old again. (7th and 8th grade were not fun years for me, but were they for anyone??). There are so many decisions, paths to take, obstacles to overcome. And these decisions are going to shape the rest of our lives!! Talk about pressure. Just enjoy what you have and trust that God is going to take care of the path you will be on. Hang in there...you are not alone!

LuLu Lake said...

I know how you feel. I think that comes from graduating school and not really knowing whats next. It's the point in our lives when we should know exactly what we want. It's when we have no clue that things start to feel stress and the discontentment comes on. I admire your ability to ask for God's help everyday. That is something I must work on myself. Hang in there! I am thinking of you!

Emily said...

praying for you my dear friend and your discontentment.. i really do understand the feeling.... u are taking a sttep in the right direction by praying and turning to God!

*~! megs !~* said...

I think that being a 20 year old newlywed is one of the hardest things to go through.. You're still so young, but you're part of a married couple. You wonder where do you fit in? What kind of people should you surround yourselves with? You don't have a family yet (usually) but you know that every single decision you make will impact your future family. It's freakin' hard. I still struggle with this daily. Have I chosen the right career? Do we live in a safe enough town for kids? How will we send kids to school? It's overwhelming and I constantly feel discontent with where we are in life. The thing is.. we're not supposed to have it figured out. That's the joy in it. We're supposed to just hold on tight and let God direct us. It's just so hard to let go and trust. But we have to. You'll get through this Megan! I say the same thing to myself everyday.. =)s

Christie said...

Looks like being discontent is a common feeling and I know that I often suffer from it. Keep fighting through it and definitely continue to ask God for direction- you may not always hear His answer, but it's coming one way or another.

PinkSass said...

I can totally relate. You inspired me to write about how I've been feeling about things lately on my end.

Simply Me said...

just found your blog, love it!
new follower

Gretchen and Jimmy said...

Loved this post. Serioulsy. Love it. :)

Becca said...

Oh girl - I totally feel your pain on this one (the discontentment not the arms) - I will be praying for you!!!

Melissa said...

I totally get you on the discontentment. I think we all go through this. Most of us more thanonce in life. And, on the Jillian thing. I can barely walk because each step feels like it will just snap my legs in half. My calf muscles hurt so bad!

Rachel said...

Jillian is total nut case. And I mean that in the best way possible. If she can tone my arms like she's been doing, she can keep on being crazy.

And I am so glad you wrote this post about discontentment. I have been experiencing this a LOT lately, and it makes me feel great to know I am not alone. I often feel like I should have so much to be happy about, because I do! I am so blessed. But I get so easily discouraged. Your post made me think of Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. It's so easy to let Satan control our thoughts and feelings without even realizing it. Thanks for your honesty here. I'll be praying for you!

Jenna said...

Preach it, sista!

Heather said...

Your not alone girl, I don't know that we can ever come to place of total contentment except in Him. Thanks for sharing and opening with us! Praying for you!

Erin said...

I found your blog through Vicki Courtney's, and I really like it! My husband and I got married last July, so we're newlyweds, too. :-)

Like a lot of the previous comments say, discontentment is a pretty common thing. I'm going through a bit of it right now, so I really appreciate what you had to say about it.

Let's just keep focusing on the mighty God we serve. He'll continue to take care of us, just as He has in the past.

jlc said...

Hope you find your direction soon!!!

You seem to have found it though by writing about how you feel and just inspiring others! They feel what you feel and that's a beautiful connection.

Lauren Kelly said...

Girl, I wish we could sit down and have a cup of coffee together, haha!!! I seriously relate to you in more ways than one. Press through your discontentment and seek God out and he will open the eyes of your heart and reveal himself :o) Love ya, friend!! :)

Sweet Simplicity said...

I think we all probably struggle with this. I always think about how happy I am with my life, but never fail to complain about something. I think it is so great that you are seeking God's will daily. Pink Sass linked to your post on her blog. You have such a huge impact on people and that is wonderful! Blogging is a gift from God. :) (seriously! haha!)

Megan said...

I can definitely relate! It seems like many of my friends in their mid-twenties (myself at the top of the list :) are feeling this way. Prayers for direction and contentment for you!

Suzanne said...

I'm right there with you!! Thank you for your honesty!

Julienne said...

Megan, it sounds like your discontentment always leads to growth, so maybe that's God's way of showing you what you need to be thinking about / praying about / focusing on. That's one of the sturggles is that as soon as you overcome one thing there's something else to deal with. We'll never be perfect but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try our hardest. There's something my pastor / volleyball coach told me in high school that has really stuck with me - "You only coast when you're going downhill" and that's something that I can apply to so many different areas of my life.

Just thought I would share that with you :) Thinking of you today.

Samantha said...

wow...I am right there with you on this post. Brandon and I are at a major transitional phase right now in our marriage while we wait to hear about law school. hang in there and i'm rooting for ya!